juice-22

The Waiting Queue

2012-01-26T03:46:00.001+11:00

Good evening everyone!

Hisashiburi desu (it's been a while).

Wow um, my last post is so long ago! Since that day, many major events have occured:

I graduated from RMIT! Achieved BA Communication Design!
Had a mad packing session, sent 3 boxes back to Jakarta plus 5 luggages.
Flew back to Indonesia for good, leaving Melbourne behind on Christmas Day 2012.
Arrived at Jakarta in time for a Christmas dinner with family and boyfriend, who picked me up from the airport for the first time :)
Passing by speckled illumination of street lights, gazing at boyfriend's face after several months as he drove, happy time for me.
Christmas was wonderful as usual, and then so quickly it passed. And the year 2013 arrived.
Took a test for an English teaching job.
Madly busy with applications for Postgraduate education.
Said goodbye to boyfriend again.
Sent out my applications.
Did not receive news from prospective employer.
Received rejection from one university out of the three.
Had a great Chinese New Year, better than any before. Good warm family feel.
Spending days doing nothing much at all.
Started reading Haruki Murakami's 1Q84, and feeling disappointed so far.
Enjoying the peaceful lazy days at home with my family and dogs.

And here I am, sitting on my desk with the lights on dim.
The Japanese Jazz radio station, Shonan Beach FM, up on the late-night program.
Had my glass of red wine, feeling clean.
Left arm still throbbing from the HPV vaccine injection even after 10 days.
A black top, and short blue silk pants. The bracelet from Japan, the anklet from boyfriend.
The music changed. This one brings back vivid memories of dancing with him.
Unfortunately, all feelings of closeness are merely conjured.
No matter what I do, he will never be by my side again until some time later.

the jelly phase

2011-12-10T18:13:00.001+11:00

Currently, I am in a weird stage of my life, which I randomly name 'the jelly phase'. And in this particular phase, I am feeling time go by and I see more clearly than ever the changes it brings.

There is a thunderstorm building up outside my apartment (which I have just diligently scrubbed and rearranged into its past state of untouched vacancy). When the downpour started, I hopped onto my bed and stretched my arms out of the small creak on the window. Then my eyes studied the vicinity, trying to take in everything and memorise it - the low brick houses, ornate verandahs, silver roofs. I watched a woman in black tank top cooking an egg, the warm lights in her kitchen colouring her skin with this vibrant orange-yellow. Another neighbour appeared, a hippie-looking man with long dreadlocks and a red bike strapped onto his back. He didn't seem to mind (or notice) the rain in the least bit.

Most of the time though, I watched the bird perched on the electric pole.

I'm uneven, unbalanced, shedding, drying, doubting, and thrown into a peaceful yet threatening empty space. Its emptiness has made all sorts of evil seep out from the depth of my very being and stain the space with its dark, brooding colour. Anyone who steps on this space gets infected by this toxic. Soon I can no longer trust anyone here. I am better off by myself. Yet I don't want to be. I am wishing for more and more strength to help me go through the jelly phase.

Graduating

2011-12-01T13:03:00.001+11:00

I'm sorry for the lack of posts on the Japan trip blog. It seems blogging daily while travelling is quite a feat... we reached home late every night and were too tired to blog. We showered and went to sleep. But it was a really good trip. We met so many people, talked to strangers, bonded with family members, went to interesting places. I learnt so much during this vacation.

But finally, I am back in Melbourne. My brother had high fever, and I also had the flu. So for the first few days of arrival here, I was busy taking care of my brother and myself. Unpacking a month's worth of luggage, laundry, cleaning, cooking healthy meals for the both of us, and finding time in there somewhere to rest. I felt like a housewife/mother and I realised how physically demanding the job actually is. The good thing is, it's not mentally challenging. So I felt much sense of accomplishment easily, with every little household task I completed. I felt a kind of change within me, as I realised I have become the type of person who enjoys cooking, writing recipes, maintaining the apartment's hygienic state. I barely know who I am anymore.

Comparing the 'me' who is here now with the being who was in this body a few years ago, the contrast is (almost) black and white. All I can grasp well to be unchanged are my hobbies and habits - reading a good book fervently, closing my eyes to classical music in order to more clearly grasp its message, enjoying a bit of alcohol now and then, playing games (though I have not been recently). My personality and outlook on life and how I'd like to live it has changed dramatically in... I can safely say a year. It just proves how unexpected the future can be. Well... that's an obvious point but most of the time it's an unconscious thing.

Regardless of my understanding that planning the future might as well be a futile effort on my part, I still felt the urge to make a list/timeline of my 'life plan' from now on (another thing about me that still has not changed is my love for making lists).

The reason why I am feeling such confusion and sense of loss today is because I am no longer a university student. It was so easy in the past, to know for sure where I would go after primary school...after high school...after college... but the roads of oppoturnities split and multiply at each of these stages, and now I realise I'm at a point in the mountain where the paved road has stopped and there are no more clear areas but a lot of paths I could take along the spaces between the trees in front of me. I could do anything I wanted, and go anywhere I wished. I'm sure I could survive somehow. The only problem is I can't make that decision for myself because like many other people I don't know what I want. All I can do is follow my gut instinct.

Another thing that bothered me when I made my list, was this:

Year Age
2011   19
2012   20
2013   21
2014   22
2015   23

If I were a character in a storybook, this year I would still be eligible to be described as "a 19-year-old girl". Next year, however, I would be described as "a woman in her early 20s". Nobody ever uses the phrase "a 20-year-old girl" do they?

At least I've never seen it.

TOKYO

2011-11-01T10:07:00.001+11:00

Hi everyone! From today on my friend Juen and I will be posting at

http://ameblo.jp/usagixneko

Expect lots of photos from Japan~

We Go Japan !

2011-10-26T09:01:00.000+11:00

Hello everyone!

My friend and I are going to Japan soon for a month, and we have set up a travel blog for that period of time! It will be actively updated with photos and such, so look out for it! (will start posting on the 1st November)

http://ameblo.jp/usagixneko

Oh and don't worry about the japanese words, we will type in English later :)

i wish you love!

2011-10-19T21:58:00.000+11:00

that was the first time ever for me drinking red wine while taking a shower with sweet jazz blasting on my iPhone to the point that the audio cracks (but heck, it's an old recording anyway). wowweee, wine and music goes too well together

Day 3

2011-10-11T13:25:00.001+11:00

Humans are blind.

One day a long time ago she asked me to draw a picture of her. I made a manga-style sketch and used fineliner to finish it up. On a piece of paper torn from my sketchbook.

I didn't think much of it... I didn't know she was so happy that she laminated my drawing for her.

Now that she is gone I feel so sorry, I should have put more effort into that drawing she cherished enough to laminate. I decided to make another drawing of her, this time with all I've got, with all the skill I can muster up. I don't know how it will turn up. I'm sorry I cannot hand it to her properly this time. My brother showed her mother a screenshot of the painting in progress and she burst into tears and said she will print it and frame it.

We are all so blind... How can something so simple mean so much to someone. That's why we must all do our best for others so we won't have any regrets.

Rest in peace truly... we all love you so much...

LL

2011-10-09T21:40:00.001+11:00

9 Oct 2011

I say goodbye to my little angel
Poor angel free from pain
Now God will take care of you..

Kono machi

2011-10-08T22:57:00.001+11:00

Sitting alone in a potentially dangerous place. Cool auttumn breeze. 11 in the night. Music in my ears. Only this town gives me this freedom

Juen's Birthday

2011-10-08T15:54:00.002+11:00

Tonight I'll be celebrating Juen's birthday!!!

I made this bag to put her present into:

She reminds me of a rabbit ! cute one !

And this is from my self-promo project, my identity mascot, The Minimalistic Cat.

The rabbit is something Juen drew as an extension from my Minimalistic Cat during my birthday!

And I made this pink birthday card for her :D

Everything is in (broken) Japanese... and I suck at kanji so I wrote most everything in Hiragana!!! Kudos to me...lol. Took quite long to write and lots of mistakes. That's why the images I uploaded are so tiny so you won't be able to read the words cos I'm sure there are many embarrassing errors. Kekekke

Will go out to meet her and the other girls in a few hours! Will have fun tonight~

Have a
Happy
Happy
Happy
Birthday
my dear Juen~~~~

(I hope you like my present and card)

A Short Note

2011-10-06T21:46:00.001+11:00

Today I read someone's blog. Someone who leads a completely different life from mine. The only thing that connects us is the internet. We are strangers.

After reading this person's blog, I feel a little ashamed of myself. I'm so amazed at how different two people's perspectives are on a certain thing, how this 'thing' control everything in one's life and how it means nothing in another's. I read on. There is a kind of pure happiness from another person's joy. The laugh of a little child. A satisfaction.

The things I read really touched me. I wish all blessings and happiness to this person and may he lead a life he is proud of. -trj22

bachelor me

2011-10-06T16:33:00.002+11:00

Today I did something I actually never considered before in my life!

Tadahh I got a double piercing. I only decided to do it a day ago and today I got it pierced. Hahahha spontaneity runs in my blood.

At the moment it's a simple stud (the gold one) but I plan to buy lots of cute earrings next month in Japan. Yes!!! I'm going to Japan in less than one month! I can't believe it... FYI, the vacation will be a month long. I probably won't have time to blog for the entire month. Or maybe I will post photos up as I travel, but without accompanying texts.

Oh and, on my birthday I made my very first acrylic nail art. Today (after getting my ears pierced) I did my nails again and this time it's a simpler design than before and I didn't use acrylic... I just can't figure out that thing!! Too difficult!!

I am only a few days from completing my Bachelor's degree

:D ~

September is over

2011-10-01T00:57:00.001+10:00

Hi readers, the weather in Melbourne has been so depressing lately.

I like rain when I am indoors or when I am in Jakarta (for some reason) but not in Melbourne.

Walking home in the wind and rain is just no fun...

And recently I started listening to this absolutely beautiful song... September In the Rain

Of course I like Sarah Vaughan's version... she is my favourite Jazz musician!

Please do listen to it... it's so sweet and clear, perfect!

Oh and... I've had pain on my left arm for several days. This morning I woke up and it still wasn't better at all! Even though I have slept 3x. One would think 'injuries get better after some sleep'. So I started to get worried and since I had afternoon class today (even though in the end I didn't manage to make it to class......) I decided to go to the hospital for a check-up.

First I went to a clinic for a General Practitioner. He then told me I might have a tendon rapture on my left arm (my father has that on his left wrist!!!) and he advised I go to a radiologist for Ultrasound scan as soon as possible. I went to this place called Imaging that's situated within a sports stadium... Apparently AFL players go there to fix up sports injuries. So most were male in that area. Felt weird to be a non-sporty girl there.

So then I got my ultrasound results for my left arm...

The doctor told me that my tendon is alright and no bones are fractured. But he said the Bursa on the joint of my left arm is inflamed.... And he showed me the 'normal' state of a Bursa on my right arm... and the size of the inflamed Bursa is like... 7x the size of a normal one!!! It was quite scary. I'm glad I went to get a check-up today or I would have let this thing reside inside me until next week...

I was told to get some kind of injection and then follow-up with physiotherapy. But it all sounded so pricey! So I told the doctor I would consider it for a while. Then I went to eat vietnamese with Listy (yes, she accompanied me the entire day... from 9am to 5.30pm) for lunch. When my Dad called me and I told him the situation. He said I should just take the injection today. And since I was still in the area, I went back to the stadium.... Let me just say public transportation in Melbourne is not quite simple and we happened to have the worst of luck today with it. So from 9-5.30, we walked 70% of the way.

Can't complain though, because I notice that my facial skin is all bright and vibrant thanks to the exercise.

Oh, the exact name of my injury is Shoulder Bursitis.

So yes... I pretty much don't use my left arm for anything right now... I try my best not to move it and not to carry anything although that's not possible. I always have heavy things to lug along. Often I wish there is someone to help me carry my things. A butler? I'm not that rich to hire one. Hahahhahaa. You can't survive on your own if you're not strong! T.T

Wish me fast recovery....!

A very very good Japanese movie I recently watched thanks to Juen... If you are a J-fan, WATCH THIS!!!!

I turn 19

2011-10-01T00:29:00.001+10:00

I thought I should post pictures of my 19th birthday! ^^
Since it's my final year in Melbourne I decided to throw a BBBQP (Birthday Barbecue Party).
(not in any order)

My hair and make-up.

Blue Rose inspired by Paradise Kiss live action movie!!!!

I love that movie so muchhhhh!

My darling Juen, thank you for coming early to help out!

My sweet Listy, you're so kind!

She helped me since morning to buy the meat and drinks and also helped me prepare the BBQ!

We had our BBQ on the rooftop of a building, so we got a beautiful view of the night cityscape! It was soooo romantic. The food was also good considering it's my first BBQ *proud* (I didn't do much of the cooking though...LOL. Hats off to the chefs ;p I just pre-marinated the meat).

After eating we played some games and then we had a really delicious cake! It was a really good relaxed night. Thank you my girls for celebrating the day I was born with me! :-)

The following day, which was 25th September my actual birthdate (the BBQ party went on until 1:00AM 25th Sep from 8:00PM 24th Sep), Listy baked a cake for me early in the morning!!!! We don't have an electronic whisker so she whisked everything manually!!!! I was so touched, what a sweet girl. When she gets married her husband and children must be so happy. Hmm... Actually the photos on 25th Sep are not transferred yet, they are still on my digital cam. Lol. But the cake was bright pink with little balls over the icing with very sweet strawberry slices!!! Thank you very much Listy! Listy, my bro and I went to Korean restaurant that night to have dinner. Supposed to go to Ice Bar but was too lazy. I just did my homework and laundry that day =_=;; pretty lame but... I'm just tired n already satisfied from the BBBQP so I couldn't be bothered anymore. Just wanted to relax! Hehe

静かな日 ( a quiet day )

2011-09-27T18:03:00.001+10:00

Today is another quiet day.
Like all the recent days have been.
It's so quiet that I am listening to the wind knocking against my door and windows.
Not to mention the hum of the ventilation machine or whatever that is that keeps the world from a complete heavy silence...

A dark green day

2011-09-19T17:00:00.001+10:00

A dark green day is all over me. I am a body of forest, i wonder what this all means. The holes on the concrete floor, the unused chopsticks by the rubbish bin from which a sour odor seeps from. A fleeting sparrow.

Is it okay for me to be myself? What if I am simply not good enough?

But I refuse to give up and I decide to take pride in my identity. I won't let obstacles stop me!

The Final Rush

2011-09-16T00:13:00.002+10:00

皆現元気？？？

ヾ（ ❀◕◡◕ฺฺ ）ノ【*Η*Ε*Ļ*О*О*】ヽ（◕◡◕❀ฺ ）ノ\\

I was scrolling down my blog just now and just realised that I haven't had a photo since my latest haircut! Didn't even mention it v.v ... Well, here it is, up in that picture. Don't I look like a fresh 18-going-19-university-girl? I've only been writing abstract scraps of lines so I thought I'd write a proper blog. (With a picture too!)

How has my lifestyle been? I'm planning to sleep at 4 today since I had a 2-hour nap just now. Yep I've been pulling all-nighters. But I still get enough sleep, so I think it's fine. Two days ago I was highly productive and slept at 6:00am. I was prepared for it so I had 'breakfast' at 12:00AM consisting of boiled salted egg, slice of ham, and cup of coffee. Slept for a good 5 hours and then off I went to class. It's a good lifestyle (?). I have so much work, tiring, yet I'm truly enjoying life. Music when I want it, getting work done, designing things I'm proud of, coming up with new ideas, talking to people, keeping in touch with my family, eating at home and dining out a few times in a week, no time for shopping therefore saving money well, grateful for my friends, appreciating my boyfriend, learning new things, reading Haruki Murakami every night before bed.

One of my best girls, Juen, wrote a blog post about me today! It's so sweet of her. She is starting to write a post a day about things she is grateful for, and I'm on her second day's post?!?!?! すごいじゃない？！？！ t h a n k y o u J u e n ! ^ - ^

I am in my final semester of uni! (oop did I perhaps mention this already?) As in I literally only have ONE MORE MONTH TO GO until I officially earn a Bachelor title. Wow... I will miss university... I had such a good time, really changed me, so much memories and experiences. Well... technically if things go well I will be in university again taking master's degree in UK. But I will miss my friends here and my lovely apartment >_< My brother who often buys food for me too! None of my friends live in UK! So I don't know anyone there... I hope I don't get lonely /( ; _ ;)\

university

2011-09-13T19:23:00.000+10:00

dressed recklessly to sleep
on a bed thats only half for me, half as a clothing dump
blurry vision, stinging eyes
a throbbing head,
another cup of coffee to get through the night
smudged make-up
parched throat
so much work to do before morning arrives
i get by like this..

2011-09-11T13:01:00.000+10:00

A little girl

Please let me wear those dresses please

I am simply blown across the vein of a leaf

my hair grew I am stuck to the blade of this windmill

Spinning spinning

Turning turning

Please don't hurt me anymore please

this endless day which time I no longer keep

like the bees forever searching for honey

things never change, never ever change

I am yearning for the fast galloping of a horse

snatch me away, bring me to a loss and let me go

let me fall

floating floating

on the water

things never change

2 months later...

2011-09-06T21:59:00.000+10:00

I have just arrived at Melbourne again.
Yes, again.

A lot has happened in 2 months. Like the human beings we are, we mostly do not notice the process that goes on in the present and yet we count the months that have gone by with our fingers and realise it's been so short yet so long. I have a new desk lamp now. It's a hand-me-down from Listy who never uses it and now it's mine as my old bulb broke and I was too lazy to get it changed. I also have a pink tofu doll and a blue one. In addition to my green one which I bought a year ago, I now have a complete set. My boyfriend and I managed to celebrate our first year together and his birthday. He now has more feminine items in his room in America, all of which are gifts from me. We now have the exact same MUJI photo frame containing the exact same photograph.

I am less than 2 months away from the end of my bachelor program.

Every time the days count down I feel something breaking inside me. The negligence, the freedom... When I was a kid I could get away with anything because I was a kid. I had holidays where I did not have to think about anything but play. I told my Dad: you know what I think... kids start to 'grow up' when we can't have a holiday without having to think about work. My father calls it 'responsibility'. I call it time.

I've been reading books again. Sometimes I feel that books are like poison. They pull me in so quickly and I forget about the rest of the world. I forget about everything else, and the fact that I care about my degree, work to be done, the even higher education I'm pursuing. It feels so good to be lost in this world. But the moment I put it down I feel like a man who has gone in a coma for several months and regain consciousness and the world changes just a little and things are not quite the same. That sort of feeling. Mentally I label it as drowsiness. Physically it is low blood pressure.

from my perspective

2011-07-14T17:28:00.000+10:00

I have just arrived at Melbourne again.
I unpacked, cleaned, did some housework, it's a process of redomestication.
I wish my family, my dogs, my boyfriend, are all here. But then again maybe solitude is a virtue I might never get to experience again when I get married and have children. Maybe it's something I should think well of.

My life has been a blessing since the day I was born. I was very lucky in every aspect, since I believe every bad thing that has happened is a good memory and everything leads to another like a chain. If I am happy now, everything in the past must have been right.

For one, I am extremely lucky to get the view I have from my apartment bedroom. Mine is at the edge of the building facing the part of city that had shorter buildings so I get a two-window view of the Melbourne sky which ceases to amaze and intrigue me. It is winter now and the trees are all bare. Their thin branches work up a pattern and resembles a bird's nest that fans upward, with a perfect convex top. Trees are so beautiful. But I love seeing trees amongst houses. It gives it something to stand against and we can see clearer the difference between man and nature. When the golden light from the setting sun casts on the city, every branch on a tree illuminates a beautiful bronze. The light goes through its delicate structure. But a solid building gets but one side lit.

I see so many people busy with their lives, trying to gain success, to work hard. Maybe it's my ignorance and my outstanding luck for the life I lead, but I prefer watching. And when I observe well enough the world becomes so much more a beautiful place and it makes me feel happy. The sun has gone further down now, and the tree branches are ash coloured. It is such a rigid, solid thing but from this distance the delicacy of its form makes it seem like something so fragile. It is odd. Maybe I should say it is like a woman who is graceful and gentle but strong inside.

On the plane back to Melbourne I was on the window seat and was overjoyed to see a bright full moon hanging just beside me. When we sit in a car and it moves, the scenery outside moves and looking from the window, it can appear that what's outside is the only thing moving and our car is not. But this is different. Obviously the plane is moving at a high speed, but the moon remains still, casting four parallel beams of light. I know the physics of it of course, the moon would not move so visibly, but what I am trying to get at is the situation I am in. Right beside the moon which was the only thing outside the window on a deep black plain. I see the slight hint of the aeroplane's wing (lit up by the moonlight) bobbing softly up and down. Instantly I thought of a small wooden boat bobbing on the sea, and the moon has no other objects to sabotage its beauty when you look at it facing the ocean. The view towards the sea is just an empty horizon. This is what it is like to me. Also I was also amazed and felt exceptionally lucky to see the moon at an even level, whereas I would usually have to look upwards to see it.

I turned to an elderly Australian woman who sat beside me and asked her if she had taken a look at the moon outside. I felt like a child, just eager to share the beauty of this precise moment to everyone else. She took a casual glance at the window, and remarked in her carefree accent, 'oh that look nice doesn't it!'.

People can look at the same thing and some can see so much while others care little. There are many things I care little about in the world (maps, directions, geography, business) but this habit of observing the world like a picture book is a habit I don't think I will ever grow out of.

Consecutive Nightmares

2011-06-21T10:33:00.000+10:00

It's my fourth day.

Nightmares have haunted me every night for four consecutive nights. This has never happened in my life before.

Night 1
Nightmare 1

My first nightmare was terribly long. To summarize, I was in a car and my driver in the front seat. NIght time, in a lonely city. I saw babies, lots of them. Giant babies walking around the city. An then godzilla-sized porcelain dolls. Big eyes blond hair and Victorian outfits. They walked towards me slowly. We drove to an area with more people, the gas station. Drunk people. My car windows were open by a slit, but an old beggar man forced half his body through and tried to grab my food stock. I negotiated, and gave him all the carrots. Could not leave city. The woman who arranged my travel documents here was evil. She hid behind the shooting game machine, the only thing that would allow me to leave this city, and reset the game from behind every time I was close to winning. One day when she wasn't there I beat the game. I saw her peeking at me from behind a wall. Got in taxi with family. A man was there. He touched me once. He said my hair was silky. I demanded he not touch me. We reached the airport. He kept watching me, a stalker. Sat at a bar. Got a message written on paper from another stalker. I see my friends who aren't my friends everywhere. I awoke.

Night 2
Nightmare 1

Rich people sitting on a red puffing train going to eat Miss Marple's scones. I brought them with me. Then I was captured. Walked through a sewer, roped along with many other children. The guards were monstrous human-alligators. They had a sort of magic that pulled us back in line if we tried to escape. A sewer of many storeys. Pushed us into a corridor where many children lived. They looked happy. They watched tv, studied books, looked clean and content. Even though they were confined to that corridor and its rooms. I tried to escape with a friend. A lift, a slow lift. Waited for it to come as the guards are chasing after us from behind. I've had this part of the dream efore, and I failed, I was too slow. But this time I succeeded. I went down. There was a robot match. So many monsters guarding the palace. I ran and ran and we ran into a bush and hid there. It was raining hard.

Night 3
Nightmare 1

My brother said there is a really weird video recorded on a video camera. I watched it. It was night and so everything was recorded with night vision. There were manny kids, sleeping next to each other. Rowsa and rows of them. Their skin were green due to the night vision, and then they started to open their eyes and they were all red. I said, this is normal, it's just a red-eye effect. The camera moved between the rows of children. All of a sudden, very abruptly, a hand smashed into the centre of the video frame. I could not understand why everything in the video is greenish and dark as it should logically be, but the hand that appeared at the end was lit in normal skin tone. I awoke.

Night 3
Nightmare 2

I slept again.
I cried at the end of the dream, and when I woke up I was still crying.

Night 4
Nightmare 1

Zombies... so many of them. I ran away. Then there they were in front of my house too. I was angry. I took a gun, and shot a weaker looking one and she died in one shot. I shot the other, many times, it didn't work. We got into physical combat. Straddled on the floor. He was not like a zombie, he was one, but he appeared very human. A large and tall male ith long hair. He was lying head down on the floor. I grabbed a dagger and stabbed his back. Then he took one too and stabbed me at the ankle. The pain felt so real. How do I describe it... it was sharp, but whole, and I felt its echo on the rest of my body. I was scared he would stab me again but nevertheless I kept stabbing him hoping he would die quickly. But the pain was so overwhelming on my ankle that at this moment it woke me up.

I lied on my bed this morning and still I felt the odd pain ringing.

I'm so tired right now... obviously I haven't had very good sleep. I get nightmares every month but never this often. Usually my nightmares are much more intense and creepy than these though so I guess I count myself lucky. If I had to have my usual nightmares four nights in a row I don't think I would want to sleep. Even now I'm a bit cautious of sleeping.

I am flying to Hokkaido tonight.

静

2011-05-14T16:36:00.007+10:00

just being bored right now and looking at the window
it's been raining every single day and it's been cold
i haven't been motivated to do my work recently
i guess that regular phase where my productivity comes to a near stop has arrived

it feels so weird to hear no sound
even though i am in the middle of the city
the higher you are from the ground, the more silent it is
the higher you are, the more emptiness you see from your window

a big gray cloud
one solid piece that almost covers the entire view
it is like a giant whale which swims heavily across the light blue background
i wonder why i often feel this way
disconnection

it is so weird to see the flags flapping in the wind
the birds flying
and the clouds moving
but all i hear is the 'clack-clack' sound from my keyboard
and my cardigan which brushes lightly over the cement wall
everything is still

the first time humans lived
i wonder if they wondered, more than we do now, their reason for existence
if you are placed within emptiness, what would you do?
just like having to put a single letter on a blank paper
it exists on its own, with only a relation to the paper
but why?

but a single letter is made up of many things
it has a color from its relation to the paper's color
it has a texture which is the paper's texture
it has a form which is the multiple relation of space and color

if we put an 'a' in the middle of a paper
what does it mean? 'a' what?

even though i don't know, but i think
there will be something for that 'a'
if we write the chinese letter 日 by itself it means day
i'm sure the typography of the 'a' will have a meaning
everything has a meaning
everything has a special individuality

Sunday Cooking: Oven-Baked Pork with Potatoes and Carrots

2011-05-01T18:45:00.002+10:00

I love cooking on weekends :) And then eating with a cool glass of wine, it is just nice! So this Sunday Listy and I decided to cook with what ingredients we had at the moment: pork, carrots, onion, and potatoes.

I had mine with red wine ^^

If you want to know how to make this, it is very easy.

What you need:

pork, as much as you like
carrots
potatoes
crushed dry rosemary herbs
onion
salt
pepper
olive oil
a baking tray for the oven
aluminium foil

Prepare the pork. Make slits on the meat and season with salt, pepper, and send it to boil with some crushed dry rosemary herbs. Remove the meat when it is half-cooked.
Peel potatoes and cut them into wedges. Season the wedges with salt and pepper, then deep fry it until almost golden.
Peel carrots and season with a little pepper.
Chop onions into slightly large slices (approximately the size of a 50 cent coin).
Mushrooms taste very well in this dish so if you have them, wash them. In my case, I didn't have any at the moment :(
Pre-heat your oven at 200 degrees.
Cover a baking tray with aluminium foil, then give it some oil (not too much!!!). Arrange your meat, potatoes and carrots on the tray and put olive oil above everything (as much as you like but not excessively of course) and also sprinkle in more good dry rosemary herbs (you can put in a lot as well).
Put your baking tray into the oven and cook at 180 degrees. I cooked it for 10 minutes but be your own judge for that.
After my 10 minutes, I took out the tray, sprinkled my onion (and mushroom) on top of everything, and put the tray back into the oven.
When it seems to be almost done, say another 7-10 minutes, I raised the temperature up to 200 degrees and then left that to bake for 1 minute, then turned off the heat.
Arrange everything well, get a glass of red wine, and it is done!

Note: if this all seems a bit vague to you, I just want to make it clear that I'm only sharing this recipe which I came up with by experiment a year ago but you can find very similar recipes online that might be more accurate than mine written by professionals :) have a nice meal~

For my older readers, you might recall I cooked a very similar dish last year (and I still cook it frequently until now. But this time I use pork and I realise it tastes better than with chicken.)

http://juice-22.blogspot.com/2010/10/sick-with-feminity.html

3. Post a picture of your least favorite animal.

2011-04-27T00:49:00.000+10:00

Caterpillar, earthworms, millipedes, centipedes, maggots, all sorts of worm-like animals.

Was too scared to google image 'caterpillar' so I googled 'caterpillar illustration cartoon' for safety ^^~ I did not see any picture that scared me (yay).

I have many bad memories with these critters so I have a trauma against them...

2. Post a picture of your favorite animal.

2011-04-25T21:56:00.002+10:00

My baby angels of course!~

1. Post a picture of an animal that you identify with and explain why.

2011-04-25T00:53:00.000+10:00

Cat

I love lazying around and have an odd habit of mewing, purring, and rubbing myself against people I am fond of. Also, I so want to sleep on a roof with no stress in mind!!

30 Day Animal Jumbo Challenge

2011-04-25T00:49:00.002+10:00

Hi guys I decided to do something a bit fun so here is my...

30 Day Animal Jumbo Challenge

1. Post a picture of an animal that you identify with and explain why.
2. Post a picture of your favorite animal.
3. Post a picture of your least favorite animal.
4. Post a picture of your ideal pet.
5. Post a funny picture of an animal.
6. Post a cute picture of an animal.
7. Post a picture of an animal that irritates you and explain why.
8. Post a picture of an animal that you would switch places with for a day.
9. Post a picture of an animal that you would hate to switch places with for a day.
10. Post a picture of yourself and of the animal you most resemble
11.     Do you have animals? If so, write down their names, the animal they are, and their breed.
12.     Do you own these animals yourself?
13.     How long have you had each of these animals?
14.     Have you had animals that have died?
15.     Is there an animal you dislike/are afraid of?
16.     What is your favorite animal?
17.     What is an animal you’d like to have in the future?
18.     Does your significant other like animals? If so, do they have pets? Which ones?
19.     Did you grow up with animals?
20.  When was the moment you were most worried about one of your animals?
21.  Have you ever put an animal’s well being before your own?
22.  Do you think this is right/can you justify this?
23.  What do you think about animal testing?
24.  Have you seen the Beethoven series?
25.  Have you read the book “Marley and Me”?
26.  Have you seen Dr. Doolittle?
27.  What is one thing you wish an animal of yours didn’t do?
28.  What is one thing you wish an animal of yours did do?
29.  Is there anyone you think shouldn’t have animals?
30.  (How) Do you think having animals has changed you?

Got this from http://heckyeahtumblrchallenges.tumblr.com/page/2

Kono hito wa dare?

2011-04-24T23:38:00.000+10:00

The last face I see before I sleep, the first voice I hear in the morning. He draws the line between 'everyday' and 'every day', so that everyday is every day. He gives me an idle soft chuckle when he has no words to reply to me. He waits by my side when I am sad. He smiles and listens to me when I rant away, running at a dozen words per second, disturbing him so he cannot sleep. The only person I know who can fall asleep when someone is still speaking to him. He lets me wander as I please, but stops me and pulls me back to Earth when I go too far. Fantasies are beautiful and exciting, but he teaches me the wonders of reality.

Please give me a piggy-back ride five weeks later when we get to see each other again ^^ request!

Yesterday's Lesson

2011-04-13T12:46:00.000+10:00

If you do things differently from other people, you will get noticed.

What a simple statement but how it relates to so many things in life.

If you come to class on days when other students are skipping, the lecturer will remember your face.
If you go to work early and others are late, your boss will appreciate your effort.
If you listen attentively in a boring speech and discuss with the speaker about his/her ideas afterwards, it will make a difference.

You don't have to be the most interesting or unique individual, you just have to be smart about things.

In Defence of Extroverts

2011-04-11T22:43:00.001+10:00

This article is a response to an article written by Jonathan Rauch which I read earlier. If you have never read it, here is the link: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/2696/

It's quite an old article but I have only read it and here is my two cents.

First off, I want to state my position. I am, with an approximate calculation, 85-90% introvert. And yes, I am writing this in defence of extroverts. I will make this short, as I actually have other work to do.

So reading the article, I felt a little ashamed of being an introvert. Apparently, we are being stereotyped as intelligent beings who have a limited time span dedicated to socialising, and prefer to indulge ourselves in 'alone time' which rejuvenates our deep-thinking spirit. We also find other people to be tiring. See the problem with the article is, although the author did not state it, he made introverts sound like absolute snobs. Extroverts were, in his article, compared to puppy dogs who cannot understand us 'intelligent beings' and would 'listen for a moment and then go back to barking and yipping'.

The author is being very stereotypical here. With statements that almost mean 'the world would be a better place without extroverts', I feel almost shamed to be in this category of the society (by this I am defining myself in terms of the definitions provided in the article).

So then, in my opinion, what are extroverts good at? Extroverts are good at socialising. Is that important? Yes, I believe it is. Socialising is the most primary human nature. The more you socialise, the more you understand human behaviour, and the best ways to deal with different types of character. It is a skill that cannot be learnt from books, but you just have to get out there. The social network (not facebook) is a strong... you might say tool, to reach success. And said social network does not consist of introverts only. But extroverts as well. If we look at them as dogs, they will appear to us as dogs.

The point is, we cannot belittle people who are not similar to us. Once you form this negativity, you will push yourself even further from other people, as the seed is already planted in your mind. Humans are humans. Extroverts are not dogs. I know many extroverts whom I admire. Personally, I think the ideal way to face life is to have a balance of being an 'extrovert' and an 'introvert', as both have their good points.

If you need a band for your event, or if you need Foxtel at a good price, find this guy

2011-04-09T17:23:00.001+10:00

Ever since I was a kid, I was always super protective of my brother. In short, I kick the ass of anyone who tries to hurt or say something degrading about my brother (excluding myself). So that got me into physical battles with the big kids from kindergarden, and catfights with several girls. He can take care of himself of course, but I was always hotheaded whenever someone is bringing down my brother, or any of my family members. In the end, it's my brother who has to calm me down.

This can be seen from the top photo where my hair is spiky like a hedgehog and my brother's is soft. Can you see the angry beast in my distorted face and the sweet almost clown-like expression in his? Yes, we are cute.

When I was around 12, I was a big-time swearer. All the foul words you can think of very easily rolled off my tongue and it was targeted at everyone in the family. My dad, my mom, my bro, and most often, the air. I was wicked. Tantrums were a common case at home. One day I was throwing a tantrum at my mum. Then, my brother barged in, and he gave me a huge scolding and even threw a word at me. I was shocked and cried. My brother never disciplined me, ever. He was ever patient and he was my bro. In fact, I think that was the one time he's ever scolded me.

Although I verbally abuse my brother often and continuously 'bring down his confidence' (a direct quote from him), and I do not give too much thought about what he is doing right now and who he's hanging out with (I'm not the mother), I always have a pleasant time when we meet, and the situation doesn't change even now. If you look at the childhood photos up there, we are still the same with each other, just like that.

Oh hey! He's holding my hand/arm in 3 out of the 5 photos above the text! Didn't notice

Here we are now. My brother still looks the same huh?

This was when he annoyingly forced me to get out of my cozy room at 11pm on a winter night to help him stick up posters of his band's gig. His band is getting popular. Metal band, and if you're interested you can check them out here: http://www.myspace.com/hmasvendetta

Me, on that night, thirsty.

Our first time seeing so much snow falling from the sky so super excited.

A new way of thinking

2011-04-02T21:42:00.001+11:00

Before I begin this post, I want to make it clear that I am a fan of luxury. I absolutely love the idea of diamonds, crystals, bubble baths, rich wine, gourmet dishes, five-star accommodations.

I believe that luxury should be what it is, a luxury, in the sense of the word. I also realised just now, what really is important for me. It is hard to explain in structured paragraphs, so I will list examples to illustrate my point.

It feels amazing to be clad in the finest, most beautiful dress and accessorized with strings of diamonds and then go out to a fancy party with chandeliers. But what about being stark naked in your cozy bed, dressed with nothing but feeling and touching everything around you, in a small, warm room of no chandelier but a flickering candle?

I love going out to eat expensive food prepared by the finest chefs who take notice of every little detail, and strive to create the most perfect dish. But this levels equally to my longing for the familiar taste of mom's cooking, the typical 'mom' amount of garlic, the staple ingredients she always have in every dish.

A thousand dollar worth of painting doesn't always have a higher value than a crayon drawing made by your child titled 'My Family' which she did in class.

What is a huge mansion with lonely far-reaching corridors compared to a small humble house where there is noise and life in every room, and you only have to shout to call out to your sibling?

Was there ever a time in your life, where you wear a certain item of clothing/accessory so often, and then one day someone buys a 'replacement' for it and tells you what you've been wearing is so worn out, then gives you that newer, more expensive item to take it's place? I have several times, and it's too hard to let go of the things that are already mine. It's probably faded, has a hole on it, but I can't let it go. It feels sad to exchange it for that more luxurious item. Feels like I'm betraying an old friend.

So that's what I saw today, the beauty in things that aren't purposely made or designed to be beautiful. Like this tacky, plastic pink container that my housemate puts on the bathroom counter that has a faded picture of Hamtaro. I never took notice of it until just now. And when I saw the sticker with its price on it, halfway torn out, I just smiled. I see life in it, and it reminds me of Indonesia. I'm sure I have used a very similar container when I was very young too.

Some objects aren't expensive, nor are they luxurious, or well designed and crafted. But they are in their peculiar ways, better. It's like, they are beautiful by natural occurence. By accident. Like the quote, a woman who isn't aware of how beautiful she is, is beautiful. Of course I still love my luxuries, but I know better now that some of the best things in life are what money can't buy. The best things in life are what happens naturally, and has its story accumulated with time.

My Hairy Journey

2011-03-30T18:37:00.000+11:00

I must admit that's a pretty odd post title. Meh whatever. So here's my hairy journey, excluding the wigs I have, and the hair dyes that only lasted for a few weeks (because I had to dye them back due to school), and also my re-dye's of the same colour.

High School:

Foundation studies:

Looking at this photo makes me miss my little angel terribly :(

First year university:

Second year university:

Third year university:

This morning before dyeing:

Now after dyeing:

in natural light

with flash

Student Recipe: Tomato Mushroom 'Risotto'

2011-03-30T11:54:00.000+11:00

I didn't have much ingredients at home so I experimented with what I had. You know, it's just how it is as a student. You don't always have a fridge packed with meat, vegs, and fruits. (read: coke, chips, take-away, and beer?)

Ingredients:

1 cup of cooked rice

approx. 250ml of tomato paste

approx. 70g mushrooms

1/2 onion (diced)

Garlic, as much as you like

1 egg

1 tablespoon mayonnaise (Kewpie)

1 slice of KRAFT Singles cheese

Steps:

Wash rice and while you wait for it to cook, prepare other ingredients.
Dice onions into small cubes. If you notice in the picture, I used diced carrots as well, but after eating I don't think carrots suit the overall taste so I think just leave that out.
Dice garlic finely.
Beat the egg.
Cut the cheese into smaller slices.
When rice is cooked, let it cool so it isn't too sticky.
Turn on the stove, throw in some cooking oil, wait for it to heat, then start with the onion.
When garlic turns yellow-ish, insert onions.
When onions begin to soften, insert mushrooms.
Stir fry everything for some time, and pour in 1/3 or 1/2 of the tomato paste. Add salt and pepper.
Push everything to one side, then put in the cooked rice.
Mix everything, then add the remaining tomato paste.
After all is evenly mixed, push everything to one side, then throw in the egg. Let it cook for a few seconds, (do not let it harden) then quickly mix everything together. This will make the rice sticky, korean-style.
Next, add in the slices of cheese. Stir everything so the cheese melts.
When you are about to finish, don't forget one tablespoon of mayonnaise. I recommend Kewpie mayo, it's from Japan and tastes awesome. Don't stir it in flame for too long, and transfer everything to a big bowl.

No meat there, and basic ingredients only!

It doesn't taste amazing, but it's pretty good and it's edible. You can add any other extra ingredients that you like really, it's so experimental.

Taste rating:

3.3/5

The texture of the rice is almost like risotto!

Birth of a Website!

2011-03-29T19:57:00.001+11:00

Hello everyone! I'm so happy to announce that my new website is up and running.

*cuts the ribbon*

So happy to finally have a website of my own (that is not under free hosting)! It took me days to decide on which web host, and days for me to decide on my domain name (I really did want http://vina-k.co or http://vina-k.jp but they were for Colombia and Japan so…). But in the end I resorted to my full name up there.

I’m aware that I have two blogs to maintain now, the old one being my very personal blog back from high school. This one is more tailored to my design process, projects, inspiration, so on and so forth. Of course I plan to have my portfolio up online as well, but perhaps not now, since I’m not looking for freelance jobs just yet.

Also, I shamefully confess that I did not design this web layout. However, I promise to design it when I get the hang of web design (hopefully soon). Right now, I’m still a lost lamb so give it some time : D

Do give it a visit often, at www.vinakosasih.com
Simple! And for design students with portfolio/design blog websites (strictly NOT personal blog), e-mail me at me@vinakosasih.com for a link exchange. Let's network :)

Wise Words

2011-03-26T00:36:00.000+11:00

If you could go back and give your younger self any advice, what would it be?

Not to plague myself with the worry of what other people think of my work. This has totally crippled my creativity at times, especially when I first started getting press. As long as I stay true to my vision and create work for myself, I should be happy.

Alex Turvey

Director/Designer

Source:

http://www.ideastap.com/magazine/all-articles/if-only-alex-turvey

Who are You?

2011-03-19T20:08:00.001+11:00

I have a lecturer. He told me something inspiring the other day as I spoke to him.

He was praising my work, and told me enthusiastically which direction I should take it forward to. I listened to him, and suddenly noticed that his suggestions did not follow the guidelines of the project. I asked him if that would be a problem. He looked at me (with truly the clearest eyes I've ever seen in my life!) and said, "Sometimes when you have something wonderful in your hands, and you know it, you have to give it the glory it deserves. Not change it into something that is what everybody else is doing."

I was really inspired by his words. This is so far from what I've often been told. Follow the guidelines, the rules. He told me that what I was doing was "wonderful", and for a young student, that word really meant a lot to me, regardless of the possibility that he might have thrown the word in casually as foreigners often do.

I know how it feels to have something in you that you love, only to be told by many that it is ugly, told to change to what they think is better. I know these things cannot be avoided in life. There are too many people in the world and too many different opinions. I asked my brother what he would do if he created something he loved and people told him it wasn't good. His answer was, "If you are going to listen to everyone of them, then you will be like everyone. You need to believe in what you feel is right, because then that will be your personal style. And people will see it."

To be honest I admit I have been taking what people say about me to heart. It has hurt me, confused me and my identity. I will use this post to define some things which say a lot about me, because for me writing/typing always helps put things straight.

1.

Clever design. Something with a good concept is always appreciated.

Concepts can be simple or complex. They surprise and please us.

Simple design. Some people say you shouldn't design something that has no function.

I believe most things have function, and I believe beauty in itself is a function.

Beauty. Be it nature, or people, or music, art, a soul. I have a strong desire to seek beauty. Maybe because I'm a Libra ;) (yep, being stereotypical here!) I love surrounding myself with beauty.

And these usually don't come with a very high price (well not too much).

Jazz, soul, and classical music. They leave a mark in me, and who I am.

If only music in this era could be like how it was back in the past.

Back then music wasn't all about lifestyle and how 'hip' you are.

Allow me to be harsh: mainstream music these days are trash.

Please someone save it.

Nudity. First of all, I love the human body. I love this wonderful art God has created, that is so timeless.

Of course we have all hated our bodies at a point in life. But don't abuse your body. Treat it well, nurture it, and respect it. Second of all, nudity means nothing between your bare skin and the environment. It's a thrill to experience this nature of varied textures and temperatures.

Have you ever experienced the sunrise while barefoot on the beach?

I did once, and it made me feel so alive, and so happy.

Romance. Because I'm a Libra :p

Truth be told I'm a sucker for romance since I was a kid. So good luck Ken! lol

What are some of the things that strongly define who you are? Have you thought about that before?

Well, I have to get back to my (piling) homework so I'll keep you guys posted next time :)

Thanks for reading!

i've come to a point

2011-03-18T21:52:00.001+11:00

If you are a parent, I guess you'd understand. Things that you try to teach your children just don't seem to get through them.

I realize today that I have been wrong. And in my mind I recall my parents and their teachings, but mostly their grace. I am ever so grateful to have the most beautiful mother, and the strongest father, who both worked hard to ensure I grow up well. I'm so touched that they feed me, they keep watch of my diet, they took care of me in my sickness, they put up with my tantrums and selfishness. It's the most basic things that are truly wonderful. I only need to recall these things to realize my mistake, and to be educated. And they never even spoke a word. I only need to remember them. I don't know if they know how much they exist in my day-to-day life, even if we don't communicate as much. I think they are everywhere, both physically and mentally. They give me motivation, reassurance, they send me money from home so I can eat, sleep in a nice room, even buy myself items I want. When I think about this I tell myself that I must respect, love, and take care of myself, because they made me.

Also they are both amazing individuals. Genuinely good, honest people, both I am so proud of. They are my role model. Even from my primary school days I looked up to my Mom and told her I wished I could write as beautifully as she. I realize that never changed. Hope one day I can be as awe-inspiring as both of them. Love them both so much

music to me

2011-03-16T14:38:00.001+11:00

I'm drifting in air
Blossoms of sunlight
scatter across this skin of mine
Her voice kisses me gently
brings the breeze in to cool
what a love, what a magic
what an angel

oh my god Joss Stone
did God bless you with the voice of angels
bless you

two faced

2011-03-16T14:04:00.002+11:00

Hey guys! Two days ago was a public holiday so Juen and I went out to the botanical garden for a photoshoot! We had two shoots in mind, a natural one, and an 'unnatural' one.

Shoot 1:

Yes, this pose is inspired by America's Next Top Model cycle 14 shadow photoshoot

I took this one myself. lol. Listy says it's my 'typical' photo face

We didn't get that many shots for the first photoshoot. I found it hard to be natural... no kidding. Juen kept saying "you look good in real life but once it gets shot, you look blank!" So I tried my best and the results are okay I guess, but nothing exceptional personally.

Shoot 2:

I really adore the way the light illuminates the stray strands of hair and my eyelashes!

Oooobviously if you know me, I love the second shoot! It's not something I've done before. I guess it's a bit more professional and fashionable? I was inspired by Kenzo's 1983 campaign:

But mine pales in comparison. lol. I absolutely love Kenzo's fashion campaigns. The graphic style applied is so inspiring.

Let me explain the clothes and make-up in this shot. (Since the natural one is pretty straightforward)

Clothes:

Zara dark blue dress
Copper necklace with key-shaped pendant
Two scarves: one pink worn inside, another bigger one wrapped outside (Juen's)

Hair and make-up:

Hair is backcombed and swept slightly sideways in most shots. But this is random because I kept throwing my hair around and messing it up.
Pat on MAC concealer on lips because I didn't have a true nude lippie :( should really get one soon
Swept purple eyeshadow from MAC (present from Susan :)) over eyelids and a little under the eyes. Unfortunately we can hardly see the purple in the shots at all...
And contouring the face with bronzer and orangey blush. Foundation and concealer, I don't need to talk about how I applied that. Concealer is the same one from MAC, my shade is NC-20, and the foundation is a very sheer compact powder foundation from KOSE (Korean) called Sonia Two Way Foundation Case. I have liquid foundation but I hate using it because it cracks on my dry skin even after prior moisturizing...
Dark brown eyeliner from CEZANNE (Japanese brand). no cat-eye, just very little lining for a bit more definition. This eyeliner doesn't smudge on me so I love it.
Black mascara, K-Palette 'Real Lasting Volume' - I love this K-Palette brand. It's a Japanese drugstore brand, extremely cheap and fabulous products. Great quality~ Buy their Real Lasting Eyeliner as well if you plan to.
And the eyebrows, the highlight of my whole look! For eyebrows personally I think you can use anything at all, in this case I used my brown eyeliner as well. Then to make it a bit textured, I used the sponge end of my other Estee Lauder eyeliner. Or... you could use your fingers but that probably won't work as well. Some of the make-up will stick to your finger.

The bold brows were a runway trend. I'm not sure if they still are, I'm not much of an avid trend-follower (actually, not at all). I seem to always execute a trend at the wrong time :p whatever~ Bold brows inspiration:

Can you see how sexy those brows are? Especially the 3rd picture...she looks handsome and stunning! Like Keira Knightley... oh yeah she has bold brows too.

But maybe next time I will try those nude pale brows!

I'm not so sure if that would suit me though. Hahahhaha. But trying doesn't hurt. Even Mona Lisa sported it!

And here are some post-shoot photos.

Big thank you my photographer Juen!! :)
Hope to do this again with you some other time~

the mother of everything

2011-03-12T20:33:00.001+11:00

this afternoon's

I was admiring the skies all day, it is a grand masterpiece. An art that is for everyone, of all races, rich and poor. The sky is definitely one of the most wonderful gift God has given me personally. It transcends any other object I can obtain. I can't explain precisely what I feel towards the sky with words. I do know that it is one of the most inspiring things you can see. When you look at a city landscape and your eyes scour over the man-made buildings, bring your eyes up and it feels like the sky and the clouds that tread across it is all some kind of magic that cannot be understood. I look at it every day and I never question it. I never question its function, its science, its design. The whole earth is under the sky's reign. And the sun. And the moon. And the stars. And what do we live on? We stand upon the earth, breathe the air, drink the water, feed from what's made possible by the earth. Then we rob these resources, we destroyed many things. We destroy what was generously given to us. Well yes, we were born into this Earth to live off it. We are indeed supposed to use it to live. But could we not have taken better care of the Earth? We have mothers and fathers who fed us, financed us, took care of us. We return the favour do we not? We take care of them as well. Do we?

I want to share with you what I feel about nature. To be honest, I'm not the kind of person who would be overjoyed to be left to live in a jungle. No, I love the city. I love the lights, the design, the art. I love humans. But some things make me feel liberated. Some things make me feel like the air is rushing into my lungs and my heart is pumping, blood is rushing. Moments like when you open your windows and the wind rushes in, dances in your hair. Things like waking up at 3 then not being able to go back to sleep and then end up watching the sunrise. Sometimes being in touch with nature makes you realise how powerful it is. You know what I want to do? I want to strip naked, hop on a hot air balloon, and journey across the sky. Why naked you ask? Because it's nature, and it's liberating. Most people can't understand this feeling I'm speaking of. Can you?

Asian Fashion Supermodel - Du Juan, and Jarah Mariano

2011-03-05T21:06:00.002+11:00

Was watching America's Next Top Model and wondering about Asian fashion supermodels... I don't see them in high fashion campaigns often and wondering if maybe it's something I missed out. Then I found this lovely lady Du Juan :)

She looks a bit like Zhou Xun doesn't she? I love this kind of asian look :)

Moving on, is Jarah Mariano whom I've posted on before. Not a high-fashion model, more to commercial shoots. But STUNNING photos! She is devilishly sexy.

That's all for today's post. Just a bit of eye candy. And I'm outta here (loads of work to do!).

The Girl Who Chased Her Dream

2011-03-03T14:40:00.000+11:00

Once upon a time there was a girl. She lives in a dirty tower that overlooks the town below her. Her dream was to live in a tower that was tall enough to overlook the whole world. Not long ago, she had other people residing in the tower. However, the taller the tower grew, the less stable it became. The girl had to throw out the people one by one in order to keep the tower standing. First she threw her guards, then the chef, the maids, her cousins, her pets, and finally she threw out her family.

The tower grew and grew, and it could overlook 3/4 of the entire world. The girl could see places she'd never seen before. But soon, the tower refused to grow. It demanded that the girl throw out even more things, as the weight was too much. So she threw out her bed, her table, her chairs, and all her clothes. The tower grew again, but stopped when there was only one fraction of the world left that the girl couldn't see. The girl was angry, she shaved off all her hair, up to her eyelashes. But it wasn't enough. She was cold, sick, and unsatisfied. She had lost everything, she was completely bare and alone.

During the night as the girl slept, the tower pushed her off one of the ledges. She screeched as she fell freely downwards. Then she opened her eyes and realised that she could see the world more closely now. She could hear people's voices and the air was getting warmer. But she kept falling. She fell through the tree canopies, she fell through the roof of her house, and she fell onto her front door. She was still alive then, but badly injured. She called for help. But unfortunately, everyone who cared about her had already been thrown away. Now no matter where she is, whether high on the sky or back on the ground, she is forever alone.

peter pan

2011-03-01T22:28:00.000+11:00

I realize how disconnected I am from everything around me. I walk, breathe, talk, and yet at the end of the day I only remember the world in my head. I remember my thoughts, my emotions, and these help me recall what happened in real life. I guess that's why I never remember directions, or which classes I've enrolled in.

When I was a few years younger, I had a huge crush on this boy I met once. And I still remember his outfit until now... blue shirt, white jacket, blue watch, jeans, white shoes. Whereas if someone asks me the direction to my house... I can't seem to answer. So when I wrote this second paragraph:

I wasn't joking. In fact, 30% might be an understatement.

Another way to put it is that I'm way too romantic. Note that when I use the word romantic here I do not necessarily associate the word with love. You know, I meant the other meaning. So I think of stories in my head. When I see an object I can immediately weave a story about it. When I shower I even think of the most unreal plot. And the shower is just something I allow my body to work on. Where I truly live in is my head. That's where all my emotions are.

I can see things that may happen in the future. I even see things that never will. Often I don't see things that's already happening.

Is this wrong? I think it is. I think I should live in my world. Be more involved with the people around me, read the news, contribute, be active. But I hate those things... I hate involving myself with things that don't have direct emotional contact with me. I sound pathetic and I sound weak, and the more I write this blog post, the more I start to hate who I am. Is it a good thing to deny yourself? Well, who am I to say that anyway. I probably don't even know who I am. 'Myself' probably doesn't exist yet. In a solid way.

NYX Lip Spa TLS06 Hush Review

2011-02-21T12:24:00.001+11:00

My first experience with lipstick was a Revlon stick which I didn't have many good memories with (flaking, drying, etc). I disliked wearing lip make-up since, but my desire to find a nude lippie remained strong.

NYX Lip Spa 'Hush' is not exactly a nude, but I fell in love with it at the department store.

Package

Lip Swatch

Colour with regards to the rest of the face

Hush is a very pretty colour, it's peachy with a little bit of orange in it. The colour is definitely very easy to wear and suits me very well. If you have a similar skin tone to me then you would probably love Hush.

What I love most about NYX Lip Spa is that it's extremely easy to put on (it just glides on your lip) because of its high moisture content. It gives your lips a juiciness without shimmers, yet not as glossy as the typical lip gloss. Lip Spa is great for anyone who loves high-moisture lipstick.

The downside on NYX Lip Spa is it melts too easily. I've been living in Jakarta where it's always above 30 degrees out and maybe that temperature is too high for this tube. It clumps on the rims of the tube and the stick shifts upon usage. But it doesn't completely fall apart so personally it's still tolerable and I wouldn't mind at all purchasing the other Lip Spa colours.

Rating: 4.5/5

my 2011 Valentine is... Ken!

2011-02-14T15:26:00.000+11:00

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!!!

This Valentine, I receive a bouquet of red roses from my baby boy... was ecstatic because the flowers were absolutely beautiful and I didn't expect such a pretty arrangement for me! If you look closely at the top picture you can see there are little water droplets on the petals :3

Of course, I'm wearing pink!

Further into the night, the flowers started blooming more, and now they appear fully red from the front. They're the roses which are white when still closed, and when they bloom and turns out they're scarlet red on the inside. That's quite romantic :p

This one (bottom) is my favourite rose because the petals are folded in a way that they appear sharp, like in those cartoon drawings... the roses are flawless!

Well I spent a long time gazing at them lovingly, then realised that one of the roses has a hidden heart in the centre!

I love the roses...they are beautiful...(better than the ones at Shangrila hotel) thank you baby!!!!! >_<

Note:

The flower shop belongs to Ken's friend's Dad. If you need any flowers, shipped worldwide, office located at Jakarta, do give it a try because I think the roses were top quality http://www.krekotflorist.com/

Our home is great huh?

2011-01-30T18:53:00.002+11:00

In my two-storey home in Jakarta, everything was prepared for me - food, drinks. The house was cleaned daily by my maid. My bed was always made. Often my father would make a comment on how pampered I get when I reach Jakarta. He said, our home is great huh? Better than your apartment in Melbourne eh? Always I smile, not really giving an answer. The truth is, I haven't found something in this home that makes it feel like it is a part of me.

But guess what... I just found it!

So I felt sick sitting on my desk all day staring at the laptop screen. I needed to get away, I need to shed the weight of 5000 pounds off my shoulder, and my head was of course, in a mess. I barely got enough sleep last night and was mentally strained. So I needed a getaway.

I decided to sit on my window sill, which is something I've never done before. Well outside the window is a balcony so it isn't dangerous or anything. Immediately I was welcomed by a warm Jakarta breeze. And the tall trees beside me trembled and their leaves swiped against one another producing this soothing sound, kind of like the effect the ocean sound has.

Then I gaze at the plants within my home (trust me there are a whole lot). I imagine my mom who drove far out to buy these plants and flowers, and placed them in the house because she loves the house, and she wants to make it beautiful. I also think about my dad who was constantly telling me to check out the bougainville bushes, enthusiastically describing to me how the flowers have bloomed and are in large round bunches, pink and lush. I hear the sound of wood clonking and it's from the wooden wind chime we bought during our trip to Bali. We bought it because I thought the old man who sold it was adorable. These things bring the memories back to me, and it is comforting to sit there surrounded by my family's subtle touches in every corner.

So now I understand why this is home. I also love my little apartment in Melbourne because it is me. I bought the furnitures, I chose the colours of everything, and had a lot of fun with my housemate. So I love both homes equally much. My Jakarta home was a bit harder to figure out because I was young when I moved in and there are lots of my parent's things so I took things for granted. But now I love it and I know why!

rasutonaito

2011-01-28T19:40:00.000+11:00

Hi guys welcome back

So I spent the entire day in a mental bind, reading a whole ton of Statement of Purpose sample papers and tips on writing them... I didn't have to write any when I applied into RMIT so this is new for me. And let's just say it's not a piece of cake... To be frank my life isn't so grand, but I'm glad I still have some highlights and ambition in there so I could avoid from writing "basically I spent 18 years of my life watching tv". Which... would lead to an obvious outcome.

I'm sure I wouldn't be able to finish writing the SoP by today (or even start writing it) because as usual I take a long time researching and brainstorming prior to starting something. (And I have a new RPG game in my hands at the moment)

Mom and I have been doing tons of baking the past few days and yesterday we baked surprisingly delicious Bakpao's... they smelled heavenly! That is a picture of them after shaping the dough into little balls. The meat was not inserted yet at that stage.

I will keep you updated when I finally complete my SoP! And I will e-mail it to my high school English teacher and perhaps ask for some input... :p

we'll be as close as the pages in a book

2011-01-25T02:25:00.000+11:00

Copied from this original image

Hello darling readers!

I was in an artsy mood today and so decided to sharpen my long-blunt digital painting skills. Starting the paintings were hardest because I'm afraid I can't finish it, as I have dropped many paintings halfway because they were too difficult to execute.

I wonder when I started becoming like this, doubting my abilities all the time. I used to be quite a confident person... Maybe the world just changed too quickly for me, suddenly it's 'work', not 'projects'. Now you're getting paid, not graded.

When I was much younger, maybe 7-8 years old, I was always too afraid to order my own food. I lived in Singapore then, so it was common for kids to order their own food at food courts (and school canteens). I always asked my brother to order it for me, because I was scared of the furious-looking, always-yelling, 'food-court-aunties'. They spoke so fast, I often felt like I was making them impatient. And their hands moved so quickly, I was always self-conscious about the sloppy way in which I took out my money and counted them (slowly).

Though I've improved a lot down the years, I still have slight problems with 'the sloppy way in which I took out my money and counted them (slowly)'... That's why I confess that I have a small fear of people who work/move/talk too damn fast. My brain is too slow maybe? I always need some quiet time to think about most things. To compare them and me, they are like computers/robots, and I am... an abacus. Or fingers.

I am too comfortable being in my own world. And as I get older year by year, the real world seems to barge into the unsuspicious open windows in my 'comfort' world. Sad :( so this is how peter pan feels like, not wanting to grow up!

when you're smiling the whole world smiles with you

2011-01-22T03:26:00.000+11:00

sometimes i find it hard to smile or laugh

often i take for granted what's in my life

on occasions i just don't want to talk, or hear anyone speak

several times i don't know how i should act

it's like a mug of hot chocolate that has gone cold

and you're sitting too deep in the couch to get up and heat it again

but the chocolate is still there

to be honest

i'm jealous of people who are like sunshine

you know, the ones who just light up the room

who seem bright, cheerful and pleasant

who can laugh loudly at most everything

i can't even laugh at jokes sometimes, when i don't feel it's funny to me

so i'm often in that situation where you're the only one not laughing,

or just having a polite smile plastered on your face

and i can't force it either,

if there is one thing i can't do, it's lying

if you're not funny to me, i can't laugh

and then some people has seen me as stuck-up or high and mighty and whatever

so i simply don't bother with those people

most likely i don't like them anyway

and that's why i am so far from sunshine

because sunshine will shine upon everyone

it would be nice to be like sunshine

unfortunately... it's just not who i am

i have no confidence in this!

2011-01-21T01:30:00.001+11:00

After seeing xiaxue's blog and realising how my own blog hasn't had any 'self-portrait's (too sophisticated a word as substitute for cam-whoring :p), I decided to upload some. Since it's all been large blocks of texts lately...

So I dyed my hair blonde! :D I've now seen myself in black, dark brown, medium brown, light brown, striking red, dark red, pink, bright blue, and now blonde. I want to see myself in ...

red hair, but long and straight
caramel brown with bouncing curls ^-^
dark purple, long straight
pink, short bob
rich golden brown, long with gentle waves

I just love hair varieties :P Same old same old is waaaay too boring for me. If you haven't changed your hairstyle in 5 years, I suggest you go to the salon and give it a different colour. It's real refreshing~ ^-^

So today I finally did one of the things on my to-do list, which is to organise the requirements for each individual master's program in the schools I'm looking at. Reading Yale University's requirements is the most stressful thing... they sound so strict and it's like they expect very high quality portfolio from a person who has work experience for many years. It scares me @_@ I never felt this way applying for my bachelor's degree... Well, it is Yale.

Cranbrook Academy of Art seems like a delightfully interesting school. But I'm not the most proactive design student out there so I kind of doubt the learning system will suit me... yet a small part of me is very curious and wants to stray myself in an unfamiliar environment.

I'm scared about master's degree. If I get in, I'm afraid of the experienced adults and their superb skills and mine which pales in comparison. But at least the better they are, the better I will be out of the school, right? Wish me luck guys :)

PS: just checked my blog traffic after a long time, and realised that people are still reading my blog! wow! even though I know my blogging frequency has reduced by a whole lot. so I will try to get in the habit again, and blog whatever interesting material floating in my mind :p thanks for visiting~

Oh, plan to use this wig for Tsumugi from K-ON in her nurse costume:

you say all that so i write all this

2011-01-15T22:56:00.003+11:00

Adults always used to tell us: you are too young to date, you're not old enough to understand how to love another person. Most teens around me started dating at around 15 or 16. At 18 I had my first boyfriend. Sometimes I feel that being in a long distance relationship has its good side. You know, you talk to the person more, and you think more and try to understand things. Like my design lecturer once said, after you have worked with a design for some time, step back and look at it from a distance (not literally) and you will have a clear head to judge it.

I was in several situations before where I was close to a guy and the goal was to go out with him. I'm glad my boyfriend and I were friends for 2 years before we started dating. I know it would be different otherwise.

I will be very honest in this blog post. Sometimes people judge me as someone with the mind of a 20 year old (well... these days 20 year olds aren't as mature as I used to think really) but personally I think I am still a little girl, a teenager of maybe 16 years. There are many things that excite me in life, and so much that I don't understand. It's like I'm running around, bouncing through the walls trying to figure out the way things work and where I am supposed to be. And sometimes, the difficult part is figuring out what is wrong and what is right. You know, sometimes you lose something and you won't get it back, sometimes there is only one chance to do something right. And I don't know, what is right, and most importantly, is there a right?

So my point is, I'm happy I'm dating him right now. He is my age and we are both pretty damn clueless. It's like I'm a 6 year old girl exploring the woods with a 6 year old boy. So it doesn't matter to me, if adults think we are too young to date or anything. And I don't care about the people who wonder how you even call it dating when we are millions of miles apart. Well because to me, most importantly, he is my good friend who knows a lot about me. And he is my partner in this adventure to growing up.

So... this post might seem a bit more personal and perhaps mushy but it's what I really think and I bet it sounds childish. teehee. Anyway, MY KIND AND GENTLE BOYFRIEND IS THE BEST!!!!!!

I bet he will get embarrassed seeing that posted on a public blog (and maybe make me delete it). hehhehehe. Nevermind, I like teasing him sometimes. hehehhehehehehehhehe.

The Mother Figure

2011-01-06T14:32:00.000+11:00

Ever since I could recall, Mom was always there tending to me and my brother's needs. She cooked our meals, kept the house spick and span, and she disciplined us. She was what she was in my eyes, a 'mother' as I understand it.

But recently I realised how Mom offered ice cream when she noticed my face was fresh from crying. Two days ago she comforted me when I cried (again). Yesterday, Mom, bro, and I sat in the living room sofa, watching TV, reading, playing with the dogs. It was weird, it felt like we were friends hanging out. And then she stood up and brought me a soft blanket, then sat back down and moved her knee in a cute manner in attempt to tease our younger dog Polo. I watched her and in my eyes she seemed young, she seemed my age. In that moment I felt no barrier and yet respect. She was like a friend and still she nurtures us. She is human and she has done her best to make this family work. She balances and harmonises. I was a bit moved when I understood this, so I stood up and kissed her temple.

2010-12-24T21:12:00.001+11:00

Time moves
The program changes
But I'm still here
Not living in the present
Too busy being scared about the future

Aaah what a pathetic me
Oh right, merry christmas eve everyone

Kafka on the Shore

2010-12-20T22:50:00.001+11:00

I put down Kafka on the Shore. Reality seemed a bit odd, having lived in Haruki Murakami's surreal world for the past few days and consecutive hours. Dad was right. I wasn't always this way (a good person in general), I've had my share of trouble-making in the past. He said books must have changed me, and I did not believe him at first but after some thought I stood for its truth also.

Sliding open the glass doors that led to the fish pond, I sat on the bench and threw scraps of fish food one by one, watching to see who caught the meal. If Murakami believed that fire was a living thing, that it was born out of nothing and then dies into nothing once more, that it had a purpose for its birth, I'm sure fishes do too. I was never interested in these water-dwelling creatures. They did not speak to me, nor did they see me. All they did was swim in circles and eat the food we throw at them. I realise that perhaps we who own fishes have robbed these creatures of their reason for living. How would we react to being locked in an empty room with ten others, to wander aimlessly, eat and defecate, dirtying our living space.

I sat down legs folded on the rock erect in the middle of the pond. The fishes dispersed, hiding from me. But it did not take long for the more daring souls to swim around the area I sat on. Slowly, they got used to my presence. I tried to find something among the fishes and the two turtles in the pond. Koi fishes look wise, long moustaches and all. I counted and located their fins, observed they way the moved. Turtles are symbols of wisdom. I got no jolt of inspiration, no verse to a poem and no philosophy. But I did feel a bit closer to those water creatures I never bothered to mind. That at least adds some value to my day.

People often tell me that I think too much. When my father taught me how to drive, he said flow like the water and you're good. Sometimes it bothers others when I share my nagging thoughts, when I try to figure things out that people say are too far ahead of me.

I'm not sure if it's wrong to think about the far future, or about issues that probably have no direct connection to my life. To be honest, I think about countless useless things. For instance, in Kafka on the Shore, it was stated on page 452, 'In that sense I'm a man totally without prejudices, like history or the weather - completely unbiased,'

As I've learned in one of my classes last semester, history is biased. However this also depends on what angle Murakami takes by the word 'history'. Any way, I pondered about this statement for a while and agreed that yes, weather is unbiased. I made a list of other things that are unbiased - paper, water, trees. Only nature can be unbiased it seems, for even the simplest most essential situations can be biased. For instance I lie on my bed in my Melbourne apartment. That I could afford going to Melbourne and studying there, or renting an apartment there, contains some bias.

See, not very important stuff eh?

One last thing I want to say. Sometimes I feel it can be confusing when you're young. You never know wrong from right, and when you feel that something is right, you get a lingering feeling that perhaps a mature, wiser person might think it is wrong. Having lived only 18 years makes me feel helpless sometimes, like I am not sure when to trust myself. When do you know what you do is what should be done? There always seem to be the shadow of an adult somewhere laughing at me saying I'm just an innocent kid who doesn't know anything yet. I cannot trust my decisions, myself, and sometimes feel the things I say may be stupid and childish. Under some situations though I do not care about this. Stefan Sagmeister's design piece stays in my mind, trying to look good limits my life.

My grandpa used to tell me often: you're a student, so that is your job. Be an excellent student. It is as written in the book, and in many other books: your life has a purpose. Find it, right? I've yet to find mine, I am still aimlessly wandering like the fishes in my pond. But every book I devour and every piece of new knowledge I find makes me feel like I am getting closer to the answer. I guess some people don't try to find their purpose in life. Or maybe everyone finds in somewhere down the road. I don't know. So many things I don't know. I tell myself to think deeply not just of the future and the past, but also of the present. One thing for sure is I don't want to be a Koi fish in a fish pond. Rather, I prefer to be that fire that is born, does what it's meant to do, and then returns to nothing.

PS: I'm glad I picked up my copy of Kafka on the Shore. The two characters Kafka Tamura and Nakata are inspiring. I would say they have become my role models. Kafka teaches me to be strong, to stand up to reality. Nakata moves me in many ways, and I hope I can become more like him - a man of a righteous and simple mind. The other characters are wonderful too. This book was a delicious treat. What a great story-teller.

"Stupid Rich People"

2010-12-14T01:48:00.000+11:00

This afternoon I was chatting with a classmate of mine. We spoke a bit about my plan to continue on to take my Master's Degree. She said she on the other hand would rather go out right now to earn money rather than spend 2 more years studying. She wants to be rich. I wondered at that moment why I never felt that drive to be rich before.

The answer without thinking too much was of course, my family was pretty well-off ever since I could recall. We weren't bloody rich but we managed and now we are doing quite alright. I was always pampered, well-fed, well-educated. This has caused me to be absent of that fighting spirit, the fire that drove successful people. Or so I thought.

My father grew up in a poor background and as he often narrated to me, this was what fuelled him, what inspired his ambition. I have no such virtue (if I may selfishly call it a virtue) but I have my own advantage. What is it? Well, I have money to go out and get myself good education.

My boss told me today that I should go out, make mistakes, flunk a semester. I respect his opinion completely, but this one ideal I cannot agree with. Should he ever read this one day, understand that this is simply my personal opinion.

I cannot flunk a semester because it is not the 'mistake' he speaks of. A 'mistake' done intentionally cannot be a mistake worth making, that is what I think. If I did badly in the first place and then picked myself up then good on me. But if I weren't doing badly, why would I intentionally fail my classes? Two important points why it is something I will never do. One, I have no reason to. Two, I have a reason not to.

I do not have the heart to flunk classes and play around when I know that every second I spend overseas enrolled in my university, is money that my father worked hard for. You know, my father could have chosen to retire long ago, send me to some school in Jakarta. He could have done so much to make his life easier. He didn't have to go through all the trouble he did. But he did. So I cannot take that much nobility for granted. I have to return the unconditional favour.

This afternoon I didn't know why I would want to work hard. Tonight I finally realised it. I'm Daddy's Little Girl and Daddy's Big Girl at the same time, you know.

PS: I do go out and party and have fun, dye my hair in so many different colours. I think my boss just gets the impression that I am a prim nerd. He doesn't know me well enough :p

Red Bean

2010-11-30T00:46:00.000+11:00

Going to work as an intern has taught me so much. But aside from all the other design-related stuff, I learned to appreciate weekends, holidays, and all that. Today, however, is different. Today I learned that after a whole day of work, the best feeling is coming home to a table of ready meals and seeing mum cooking with sweat on her forehead. Now I don't mean to say that I enjoy seeing my mum tired, but my point is that I appreciate the hard work and only now do I realise the value in coming home to mom's dinner. I also love eating mom's lunchbox at work, tastes like home.

So thank you Mummy for 18 years of amazingly delicious meals for the family. My favourite food is still mom's cooking!

And thank you Daddy for driving to and fro home/office. You must be tired...! Thank youu

I have the best parents~

Bendetto Croce

2010-11-19T01:17:00.001+11:00

Reading a book on philosophers and came across this European Philosopher named Bendetto Croce. Here he discusses art and aesthetics. Well, the following quote is not a direct quote from Croce but a rewriting of his idea by author of book "The Story of Philosophy" by Will Durant.

The essence of the aesthetic activity lies in this motionless effort of the artist to conceive the perfect image that shall express the subject he has in mind; it lies in a form of intuition and that involves no mystic insight, but perfect sight, complete perception, and adequate imagination. The miracle of art lies not the externalization but in the conception of the idea; externalization is a matter of mechanical technique and manual skill.

We like to think that the difference between ourselves and Shakespeare is largely a difference in the technique of external expression; that we have thoughts that lie too deep for words. But this is a fond illusion: the difference lies not in the power of externalizing the image but in the power of inwardly forming an image that expresses the object.

-Bendetto Croce

24 Days Later

2010-11-13T23:28:00.000+11:00

It's been a long long hiatus, guys! Longer than any of my recent short breaks from blogging :p
So I present you guys with my (still unfinished) Ragnarok Online female Ninja digital painting. Hahahha

As some of you know, I'm back at Jakarta now, and my internship starts next Monday! I hope I get to learn lots and lots and hopefully get a lot out of it which will make me a better designer and person.

Recently, I've been thinking a lot about what I will do after graduating from RMIT (next November, can you believe it?). My current plan which I'm extremely hopeful for is to take my Master's degree in USA in one of these: Carnegie Mellon University, Rhode Island School of Design or University of California Los Angeles (UCLA). I hope I get into them... Carnegie Mellon is my #1 choice. If I get into it, I shall be elated! But my Bachelor degree from Oz is only 3 years so I don't know if the 4-year system in USA will allow me to directly enter the Master's degree... =( which makes it rather hard to make it into my top 3 choices... Please accept me!!!!

After my Master's, I might continue on to PhD - but that is still a long way to go so shall not think about that yet for now =p

I watched the movie After.Life just now and there was a scene which was quite interesting. The funeral director asked, "What did you want from life?" Anna answered, "To be happy" "You guys always say the same thing, you always say you want to be happy. But what is that?" "...To love"

So I'm an extremely happy person right now. I have a wonderful family, kind grandparents, an amazing and awesome boyfriend, friendly relatives, a great circle of friends, and my life is absolutely perfect. I don't know what I did to deserve all of this. But thank you so much.

In the movie Jack the little boy buried his chick (who was always afraid to move under the lights) alive and he said "it's better this way". While this scene may seem sick for some viewers, the message behind it is that if you (the chick) were going to spend your life (the light) too afraid to do anything (to move) therefore you are better off dead.

Therefore I will do my best in everything to come, and will learn as much as I can. I have many flaws but I will overcome them slowly. Also I'm very grateful for the people who were always patient with me and put up with my selfishness and temper, and I was so happy to hear the support from my parents and from Ken when you guys told me that I am good, and I can achieve things. (all optimistic people)

I love you all so much and you make me smile every day ^^

Life is goooooodddddd!

iHate

2010-10-21T17:50:00.000+11:00

seabiscuit and the snake

2010-10-20T20:15:00.002+11:00

let us procrastinate

2010-10-18T22:37:00.003+11:00

Hi Dears

I'm super lazy right now, can't be arsed to work on my folio due wednesday. I'd love to continue my AYA digital painting...sigh. Maybe I should. And just do my folio tomorrow. Yeah... the thought makes me feel better. So tomorrow I will devote to completing the folio. Go me!

Here is my AYA work-in-progress:

What do you think boys?

I'm loving her hair and eye colour combination...
Nose inspired by Ken's nose...lol

Oh and welcome to Melbourne Mom and Dad~
We are re-united once more!
I am now 2 weeks away from seeing my baby Gucci and Polo. Great!!!

List of movies I'd like to watch:

The Human Centipede
Everyone Else
Bright Star
Shadow Magic
Himalayap
Buried

Sesame Hands

2010-10-17T18:26:00.002+11:00

Hello dears.

Painted this yesterday and today when I decided to screw the essay on analysing the assumption that remediation is an improvement of one medium on another referring to specific examples in the context of digitisation of print technology. Actually, surprisingly, I enjoyed writing the essay. It was almost like blogging, but in a more academic language with the need to unpack and explain every single key term and concept explicitly so that a mere child who has never learnt the subject could understand it.

So yeah! Digital painting is a nice way to take a break from that. My time management schedule for this semester's final folio submission is actually not too hectic (I swear this is the first time for that to happen). My parents are arriving at Melbourne tomorrow, Halloween costume party is on my way, hours of KBOX with my girls, and Serah Farron cosplay photoshoot. I'm excited! October will end just nicely.

I've been cooking everything with sesame oil lately and therefore the name of this post.

200 Stems of Love

2010-10-14T20:38:00.001+11:00

I promised I would show you my readers, the lavenders that were expected to arrive, and today is the day!

Used my handwritten name and VK rose monogram from my folio project xP

Well, I made them already so might as well apply~

Would I miss this opportunity to cam-whore with these lovely flowers? Of course not, the Libra in me will not allow it.

So the two batches of lavenders are quite different... stem colours are different, even the shapes of the flower buds themselves. Probably because they are different types of lavenders. I actually didn't even check the lavender types when I 'accidentally' bought them... oh well. Both batches are charming in their own way :D

Now to report what my room smells like. Well... as some of you know, I have a Lavender oil diffuser in my room already prior to the arrival of these authentic babies. So oil diffuser + real lavenders + hand cream = an eruption of aromas which will most definitely lull you to sleep. If you don't already know, lavender scent helps you sleep. I actually have a pouch of dried lavender from Hokkaido which I slip underneath my pillow. It works. So I took a 3-hour nap today. Dot dot dot. (Do not remind me about my projects, I am well aware that I am screwed.)

For the batch with the longer, darker coloured stem, I arranged them in this treasure chest I picked up from the whatever shop. As for the shorter, green-stemmed batch, I hung them upside down in my wardrobe hoping to scent my clothes with it. I just hope nothing weird happens to that, you never know. Do bugs like dried lavender? No...right? ...Right?

Update:

Some of the insects that attack dried flowers also attack stored food in the cupboards, but otherwise, the primary harm done by insect pests of dried flowers is the destruction of flower petals, leaves and other plant parts that are eaten by larvae.

Damage is done by the caterpillar stage. Caterpillars are off–white with shades of yellow, pink or green and up to 1/2 inch long. Infested flowers may be covered with fine silk webbing spun by the larvae. Caterpillars live for four to six weeks and often leave infested items when mature and crawl for long distances on ceilings and walls before stopping to spin a cocoon.

What do I do????

Sick with feminity (?)

2010-10-12T13:43:00.000+11:00

If there is one principle I have held on to with firm belief over the years, it is: I shall not be a housewife.

But today! Oh the weirdest thing happened. I was all stressed out and strung up about the workload I have, and I was about to blow my head off. Everything was just too messy, I had bits and pieces everywhere to do.

So what I did, I stood up, and started cleaning my rejected room furiously. And I also went and washed the dishes. I also noticed a few days ago that cooking releases stress for me. Cooking? Cleaning? Washing? Are these perhaps symptoms of domestication? If so, I'm scared.

I remember it clearly. Once in class, a classmate of mine shared a sexist joke. She said,

"The plane was about to crash and people were jumping off the plane with the parachute. Before jumping, a woman said passionately to the man behind her, "before we die, make me feel like a WOMAN!" The man stripped out of his clothes, handed them to the woman and said, "wash this.""

Oh sexism is cruel! I cannot stand it!

Anyway, look what I cooked up a few days ago. It is a wholly experimental dish!

Chicken seasoned with parsley and rosemary herbs baked with carrots, potatoes, garlic, and mushroom. And of course with olive oil. It was yummy and I had it with white wine.

Ah see. I'm sharing recipes now. Ah symptoms...

Vina Ringo

2010-10-08T21:55:00.000+11:00

Hello my dearlings!

A photo of me looking pretty scary, with an editing method I randomly picked up on to make the skin look slightly metallic (but not overly shiny). Yes it is me without (too much) make-up! In fact I haven't worn liquid eyeliner in a long time. While it was my favourite tool of the trade, it is now replaced by eyeshadows. I cannot stress the amazingness of eyeshadows. An essential every girl needs is a palette of brown eyeshadow in a minimum of three different shades. My reliable palette is Dior's Diorissime Make-Up Clutch No.002 - Seduction Drama. But I must say, I need a more pigmented dark brown.

Right, enough of cosmetics ranting.

Next week will be my last week of university (2nd year). I know, wow. Time just... leaped. But I'm very happy with what I've achieved so far. I got a High Distinction for my identity and stationery set project and that really shocked me because I expected a Credit or Distinction. Well of course I'm not going to complain, I'm extremely happy! But not satisfied. Because personally, I think I still could have pushed that solution so much more. Maybe.

But oh I thank thee my beloved generous tutor! May thou set thine liberal eyes on my following humble project and bestow upon it a graceful score like before.

One last thing before I shoot and resume the construction of my advertising elective final folio,

Happy Birthday Juen!!!

Happy 22nd! What a great age, obviously, it is celebrated here in my blog. Hahhahaa. You will have a wonderful year. Stay positive, work hard, but don't strain yourself. Remember that I pray for your happiness and health every night (no kidding)! Happy Birthday! =D

Alright... now back to project. I shall be very occupied in the next two weeks.
One last thing: my lavenders have yet to arrive :( Damn you, quick!!! The worst thing that can happen is they arrive right on the day I'm going back to Jakarta (which is very soon) =.= wth. Y'know, I completely forgot about that when I ordered those flowers. The thought of leaving 200 stems of heaven here in Melbourne for 4 months and coming back to see them scentless, is unbearable.

cloudless blue sky

2010-10-07T08:12:00.000+11:00

Ken was sitting on a big cushioned chair, on the edge of a stream. I say edge because the structure of the stream was like a waterfall, but the water was not rapid enough to call it one. Still on his chair, he leaned back until his chair falls over slowly, and he enjoys the trickling water. From the bank I shouted at him to be careful, because the rocks beside his head were falling apart. He turned his head and was startled when the rocks beside him had given away and was giving him a view of the plunging cliff. So he swung his legs which made his chair stand upright again, shifted to a spot further from the cliff, and then fell back once more. He did all these while stuck to his chair. Weird one.

After seeing that he was safe, I walked into the jungle. My brother was there and there were lots of hanging vines. I joked and told him to act like Tarzan. He disappeared behind a thick tree bark and when he reappeared he was beside me and dropped this black animal on my left shoulder. I shrieked, caught the shadow of a very quick spider. My brother caught the spider in his hands and ran away laughing.

I met him again in a house that looks like my own house in Indonesia, but larger and slightly different. He handed me a rock with a dry-loooking snake in it. We played with this snake-rock. To describe it, the rock has lots of holes and so we insert the head and tail of the snake into different holes.

It was fun at first until I realised that by doing this, we were forcing the head of a live (possibly dying) snake into the rough, cramped hole. I felt guilty. I held the snake's head and looked at it. It snapped at me and started to go wild. It turned into a turtle. I decided to let the turtle take a break for a while, so I released it on the floor where it ran so wildly I had to capture it again. It snapped at me furiously, and the thought of letting it go back to being a "rock toy" was dreadful and heartless. I felt it so passionately that almost in tears, I begged my father to release this poor creature (who was still trying to snap at my finger). He said it's fine, so I brought the turtle to my pond (where all the old fishes and turtles had grown into a remarkable size) and even before I reached the water, the turtle escaped from my grip, fell to the ground, scurried up the concrete, knowing his way like he has been here many times before, and jumped into the water where he swam beautifully.

I see some symbolisms in this dream, if only someone could interpret it for me =(

Lip-Splitting

2010-10-05T21:53:00.003+11:00

Wine.
Wine.

Wine.

Oh how I adore wine.

The name itself, pronounced, full and rich, with a perfect roundness to it. "Wine".

The beautiful bottle tilted toward your tall glass, fragrant red liquid splashing into the round base above your fingertips, making a musical "slosh" as it settles unifying into a deep colour.

You hold the glass rim near your lips and with slow ease, breathe in the aroma of this glass of sheer indulgence produced by expert wine-makers with crushed fruits from their vineyard (I imagine a hilly expanse of fresh greenery with a fine veil of fog). And then you stick out your tongue and as you lick the inner rim of your glass, you simultaneously allow droplets of saliva to mix with the wine. A good wine will sizzle and ripen further, and it will release a mushroom of smoke in vibrant colours of the rainbow.

Ah wine. I have always loved and longed for you, since my first taste of brilliant white when I was 16, on a tour to the Great Ocean Road. I remember it, a restaurant with white walls and big glass windows facing the great shore. On my table before me was a plate of seafood something. I tasted the wine after a few bites of my savoury plate, and was startled by the amazing harmony of food and wine. I never forgot that first experience...

Wine goes with food. Wine without food I cannot enjoy completely. Ah how I long for someone to whisk me away to a posh restaurant with gentlemen in clean suits as waiters who pour a nice glass of wine for me as I enjoy it with a nicely seasoned chicken dish... but here I am stuck in my room with a cheap bottle of sauvignon blanc in my fridge which I am too afraid to touch since I am suffering minor hypotension for the day. Also, I have no chicken dish ready lest I pry one out of my freezer and thaw it forcibly with hot water then remove its fat and wash its blood and cook it in my oily kitchen.

I don't think so.

The Geek Rebirth

2010-10-04T22:44:00.003+11:00

Hellooooo my sweet cherry pies!

This will be a real short one.

I have spent two days stationary except for my fingers here in front of my laptop creating my a portfolio to apply for internships. I've sent out to 6 companies but the ones I really want are just 2 out of the bunch.

Weary as I am right now, I am thrilled with the progress I have developed regarding interactive pdfs (to which I must say... pdf is already inadequate and I'd move on to swf) and the wonderful row of new functions in InDesign CS5 for interactivity. For the first time in my life I animated a document. I felt this familiar thrill as I fiddled with the commands, it brought me back to the good old days when I was a geeky little kid not even ten in round glasses and braces designing my website for the first time and fiddling around with HTML, CSS and Javascript. What a wonderful childhood memory that was. Anyway, hope I get responses from the design studios so I wouldn't have to spend 4 months doing nothing useful over the summer break.

Uni will be over in 3 weeks.

I bought the book Lolita written by Vladimir Nabokov. Yes, I'm aware of the plot, but what can I say... dark unusual things always interest me. And a story written from the perspective of a pedophile should be quite the subject. I've read a bit today, and I must state that Nabokov is a brilliant author. Now THAT is what I call a superb writing style. His sentences fascinate me endlessly. He is adept at wordplay. Brilliant, brilliant! I have never come across a book where I read solely to enjoy the English language laid out in the author's distinctive, witty style.

Here is an excerpt I enjoyed today:

Clumsily playing my part, I stomped to the bathroom to check if they had taken my English toilet water; they had not; but I noticed with a spasm of fierce disgust that the former Counselor of the Tsar, after thoroughly easing his bladder, had not flushed the toilet. That solemn pool of alien urine with a soggy, tawny cigarette butt disintegrating in it struck me as a crowning insult, and I wildly looked around for a weapon. Actually I daresay it was nothing but middle-class Russian courtesy (with an oriental tang, perhaps) that had prompted the good colonel (Maximovich! his name suddenly taxies back to me), a very formal person as they all are, to muffle his private need in decorous silence so as not to underscore the small size of his host's domicile with the rush of a gross cascade on top of his own hushed trickle.

The thing about reading it, it's fun!

fling your body left and right if that head is hurting like mine is

2010-09-30T19:19:00.005+10:00

Yes I'm aware, I'm posting double in a day and that's not quite me. But I care not of such trivial things. I need to rant.

First, I shall say that my laziness period has struck, and it's quite unfortunate since the last 3 productive days were a joy. Read that: productive days equals joy. So I wonder why we all insist on procrastination? Perhaps we are all masochists and we thrill in the omnipresent (yes I got that word from comm2413) anxiousness from a hanging project due.

Fancy words and extravagant yet unlikely theories aside, the answer is we are all lazy-ass creatures.

But I think I deserve a bit of lazying around, since I was hardworking enough for the past few days to cut myself like this:

Yes! This is a real life example of two birds one stone.

Look at that wonderful mess I made over such a tiny-sized project...

(oh yay this song is playing~!)

Guys, guys. You must be bored. That's the only reason I can think of why you'd even open my blog, unless you happen to stumble here from Google image or deviantArt.

So since you're bored, and I'm damn bored too, let us talk about some trivial stuff! Often when I'm bored I think about where I'd rather be right now. ... ...well okay now I think the answer is obvious, so let's skip to the next question. What is your favourite highlighter colour? I never think about it and I don't care but if I had to choose it would be plain ol' yellow highlighter. Least distracting. What's your favourite flower? Well that's a tough one... right now I have a newborn love for lavender. Rose is a classic of course, always.

Speaking of lavender, I purchased 2 bunches of dried lavender today through eBay. It was sort of a mistake on my part, since I was an online shopping noob and also an impulsive buyer. I ended up spending $30 when it could've been $12. And now I have 200 stems of lavender getting delivered to my place. My room will smell absolutely EPIC. I'll share the photos with you when the darlings arrive. Yes, I know, I'm excited too!!!

I'm aware that I've stressed this many times before, but I love my room. Especially when it's night and the yellow lights are on. I light up the rose-scented candle, brew the sweet Haru Poro-Poro tea, slather a good amount of lavender hand cream, and all these beautiful aromas mingle with the lavender scent diffuser I recently bought...

Fucking

Awesome

I'm a very self-indulgent person. People know that I think, thus the presents I received. I'd like to add that unfortunately my turning-18 plan did not happen as immediately as I hoped, as I still have not purchased my first legal bottle of wine. How very unexpected of me...

I did buy myself a red bulb, though I'm not sure why.

Cheers

the only warm subject in this blue room is me

2010-09-30T18:20:00.005+10:00

Hello you all!

Above is my most recent project, a print-based music promotion piece for "Departure in F Minor" by Calexico. I am quite happy with the results, as I was happy with my Chic Handicraft Expo last semester. To be frank, I think all my projects this semester are shit stuff and this is the only one which I finish and can say I'm satisfied.

For me, satisfaction from a project doesn't come down to whether it looks (and functions) great or not. Well, not completely. I had a poster project last semester where my solution looked utterly crap, and yet I was satisfied with it. Simply because I knew how much effort I put into it and I know I have developed a lot working on that project. I really think in university you have to push yourself the hardest, especially because

Look at the grand amount of resources you have available. All those design books in the library your money definitely can't buy - hoard it while you're a student. I borrowed 13 more thick design books just yesterday and I'm very a happy nerd.

The briefs you get are so flexible, and mostly hypothetical. With such a great opportunity at hand, push your creativity each time, and don't worry if your solution costs a bit more because it took special paper or printing. Most likely your uni project wouldn't be mass-produced anyway thus you only have one piece and best let that one shine.

As a student, try as many different styles as possible and find one that you are comfortable with. Personally, I was very much at a loss when I first started and haven't found my style. Only recently has it been coming together bit by bit. Be experimental and look up other design styles and try those you fancy. Then you would pick it up and develop your own. Just like the first time you picked up that pencil to start drawing so many years ago.

Remember that in uni, it always works out. The worst you can get to is getting a fail (though I do not recommend ever getting that...). You never lose a project or client. My motto is always "in everything you do, learn".

I feel that being a design student, the grades are not all that important. If you're doing badly now, as long as you keep working hard it's going to be great. They say you can't learn how to be a designer, but I think you can. What you can't do, is learn how to be an artist, but that is on a completely different subject matter altogether.

So my fellow budding designers, best of luck to you all!

Note: I am not at all a good designer. Yet.

s o f t 18

2010-09-26T19:48:00.007+10:00

Last year's birthday:

This year's birthday:

Yes my lovely readers, I am now 18!

On the 24th I had a relaxing day with my girls from uni with lunch in a turkish restaurant (which I went to last year as well) at Docklands, followed by shopping and then early dinner at Giraffe Cafe. I was extremely happy to receive: L'OCCITANE Rose scented candles from Juen, L'OCCITANE Lavender hand cream from Saho, LUPICIA Haru Poro-Poro flavored tea from Lydia, and TOO LATE watch from Linda!

I noticed that I had turkish food twice last year, and this year my inner turkey-foodie is back once more. The odd thing is I never go hyped up about turkish food, but in reality they never disappoint me! Turkish food is good!

Then when it struck midnight, Ken wished me Happy Birthday and I received the long-awaited gift which was cute and funny xD thank you baby! Around half an hour later my brother arrived at my apartment with chips, dips, tequila, Plontypool DVD, and the awesome ML-L3 Nikon IR remote which I asked him to buy when he asked me what I wanted as present.

Listy set up the birthday cake which she bought for me with this extremely cute candle which could play music... it was just simply adorable. What a lovely friend she is because she also bought me a bottle of desert wine! She knows me well. I carried Ken to the living room and the 4 of us celebrated together, then he went back to sleep, and we watched Plontypool, which was awesome!!! I loved the ending.

At around 4am, bro went back, Listy was already asleep, I went to my room, lit up the Rose candle from Juen, put on Saho's Lavender hand cream, drank down the remaining Haru Poro-Poro tea from Lydia followed by downing another half glass of Listy's wine. Talked to Ken for a while, then slept.

In the morning I woke at an amazing hour, which was 8AM. I planned to sleep in a bit but apparently my body knew it was my birthday so it woke me up. And I didn't feel the least bit sleepy. The weather was perfect that day, my prayer was answered yay! Bro couldn't make it so I spent the day with my Listy~

Again I chose to celebrate by going to pretty places, so this time I went to Brighton Beach. It was a lot of fun, we saw a bikini model having a shoot, and all that. Took like... 700+ photos? But they all look great so I was very happy. Photoshoots are fun... *_*

After Brighton Beach Listy and I walked along Southbank, then went to Giraffe Cafe again where I treated her to early dinner. Ate way too much... And apparently, the moment we went in the cafe, it started raining outside. When we walked out, it rather stopped. How lucky I am!

Today, I received a little gift from my cousin Cello. He made a funny little photoshop drawing and called me the REAL juice! Hahaha, thank you Cello!

I call my 18th a 'soft' birthday. Two days of relaxing, forgetting about my project, immersing myself in floral scents, drinking wine, feeling clean, feminine, and happy!

And and and and, I haven't been reporting for curfew for the past few days. YESSS!!!

And I can buy wine now.

PS: Thanks Mom and Dad for waiting up to wish me Happy Birthday! ^__^

4 to 18

2010-09-21T20:39:00.005+10:00

Identity project for Earthsmart Printing, business card

Not sure what to blog about.

It's 4 days to my birthday!

One month to finishing uni 2nd year!

These days have been full of good memories. I've experienced and learnt a lot. Thanks K for giving me so much to smile about.

On another note, I wish I had a more spacious apartment with good lighting and big white space for taking photos of my designs... would be so much easier than a manually set-up 'studio' and horrible lighting.

beautiful white

2010-09-17T23:47:00.002+10:00

I never realised how stunning white looks.

It's 12:00AM right now, and I've just had dinner, washed my face and all. I took a nap at 6 and woke up at 10.30PM... Recently I've been napping everyday, be it for 4 hours, or 4 minutes. A week before I would still tell people how I don't take naps and can't fall asleep anyway. But now I just get too tired halfway through the day so I sprawl on my bed like a fat cat (oh hey the name of my USB - FATCAT!) and fall into a lazy afternoon nap.

So I tore my contact lenses away when I woke up because it stung my eyes and made it all teary and sticky, also my make-up was smeared. And I reluctantly got up, changed, and heated up my leftover chicken curry, which I wolfed down in a minute. I washed my face, and now I'm here! I plan to finish the remaining 3 advertisements due next week but here I am blogging.

I've no idea why I even bothered to type out the entire sequence of me waking up, perhaps because it's a rare event in itself for me to be so... unorganised.

Yeah it makes me notice now my need for order. Like how I always like to have my projects down on a list with the days I plan to complete it on. I recently found the joy in using the grid in design, and HELL YES the grid is awesome. I sleep at night, and wake up in the morning. Even judging from my design style, you can probably see how I like neatness and order. Not much of the 'organic shapes and layout' type.

This is quite the dull and unimportant post isn't it? :p Oh well! I'm wearing white!

things to look forward to

2010-09-14T22:04:00.004+10:00

I have so many things I'm looking forward to.

25th September, my birthday! I shall be able to buy alcohol and I yes I would do just that. I can now stock up on wines in the apartment so never again will I have moments where it's just right and yet I have no wine to celebrate it with. Never again do I have to do the freakin' curfew report thing! (I shall drink to that!) Never again will I have to fill out some annoying form and have a letter from the parents to notify the student services whenever I am returning to home country. Never again will I have to worry about fake IDs. Never again will I have a guardian. NEVER AGAIN WILL I BE 17!!!

Well actually if put that way, it is rather sad. I will never again be 17. Oh no... Look everywhere, they're always celebrating the age of 17 (movie 17 Again)(Dancing Queen ...only 17)(sweet 17) and now it's slipping past me. Honestly, they should celebrate old age more often so we can be more optimistic about the future. I'm happy though, 18 is awesome!

10/10/10 will be an interesting day~! And 11/11/11 follows up, then 12/12/12. After that, we will no longer have triple digit dates... so we should celebrate these 3 dates.

December holidays - loads of things are happening and the fog will be cleared in these 4 months. Also, I'm planning to take my very first internship, I just hope I get accepted. Then I can put the holiday to good use instead of just lying around. Exciting!

End of February - I shall officially become a third year student in uni. I. am. stoked.

June-July holidays. I just can't wait for this, period.

End of October - I shall graduate from university! With a bachelor's degree! Oh holy~ That sure is fast... blink of an eye. I can't believe it... graduating next year!! Feels like yesterday when I was still in Uniprep and studying design for the very first time... Really cannot believe it. But honestly I do not mind at all because if all goes to plan, I shall...

Take my Master's degree. This is the final event in this list, I haven't planned further than this. But I hope this comes true, it's going to be exciting, a new country and all. I'm getting quite bored of Melbourne already! It's great, but I need to do some exploring!

Being young is great. I swear. This is the golden age I must say, it's like things are actually happening. You're scared but you're excited. You don't know what's going to happen but you hope for a bright future. We think of things like our dream house and dream job, and it seems possible. Being young is great. All you really do, is dream. And it always appears to be sunny out there.

Of course, it isn't. But I will find out how terrible the 'real world' is as they say, in a few years. I feel like one of those adventurers in the teen novels, ready to set out on my next mission.

Damn, I feel so young. I hope you guys do too!

Masterchefs

2010-09-10T13:10:00.007+10:00

Ran to catch the movie, bodies stinking of oil, enjoying Chupa Chups - Life Less Serious

So yesterday Listy wanted to cook this:

So we did!

It was one of the more complex dishes in our short cooking history. Well, it was actually fun! But we wreaked havoc in our humble kitchen:

Threw the ball of paste into the bowl of flour and it went up in a giant poof, falling onto our poor carpet. Like pretty pretty snow.

Oh and once I was busy rolling the paste in breadcrumbs and accidentally knocked the big bowl of raw paste onto our dirty kitchen floor! We both screamed. It was a hysterical moment because a few seconds after that flour went up n everything was quite graphically chaotic. Not shown in photos.

Oh and yes we scooped up the mixture and continued to use it as prime ingredient. lol. So it has the taste of our kitchen floor. But anyway! It didn't lie on the floor for more than 5 seconds if I correctly recall.

So the result of our kitchen-blasting is this:

Deep fried into:

If you slice it into half, it's actually egg wrapped in prawn paste. But we added minced meat with the prawn because we didn't have that much prawns left (amazing how quickly we ate 2kgs of them). And with layers of flour, beaten eggs, and panko breadcrumbs, it is deep fried.

I say Listy and I have levelled up making this dish! Masterchefs! :D

wonderful wonderful sweet

2010-09-08T13:42:00.005+10:00

The evening breeze

caressed the trees

tenderly

i'm leaning on my chair right now,

i'm supposed to be doing my project but

my head isn't cooperating.. =_=;

The trembling trees

embraced the breeze

tenderly

meanwhile, I slump back on my chair

staring into space

that is, the shutters before me

Then you and I

came wandering by
And lost in a sigh

were we

the fleeting shadow of a bird

sped past suddenly

i look at VD who's standing on KD's head

The shore was kissed

by sea and mist

tenderly

i'm tired of sitting

can't be bothered to start thinking

i must be the laziest person on earth

I can't forget

how two hearts met

breathlessly

all i want is the luxury of lying down

and melt in this sweet music

the perfect melody strung together

and do absolutely nothing

Your arms opened wide

and closed me inside
You took my lips,

you took my love

so tenderly

Tale of a Bird

2010-09-06T19:02:00.004+10:00

Rain is falling, I can hear it from my two-window apartment bedroom so I look up but can hardly see any sign of rainfall. It's these shutters, always a bother, partially obstructing the view of the sky. They are ugly grey things, and I would have gladly taken them down if it didn't look so complex a construction. Mechanics and the sort confuse (and disinterest) me.

Without my glasses, all the landscape appear to me are blotches of glowing colours peeking through the panels. The background is of course dark. I listen in again, trying to define in words what rain really sound like. All I can think of is the sound that would be resonated by tonnes of silk falling downwards, surfaces sliding past one another. Now the rain is getting heavier, and I realise it starts to sound like millions applauding at a faraway concert hall.

A bird is down on the concrete sidewalk and there is a wound on its body below the wings. It tries to fly in order to find shelter but the barrage of rain holds it back, dragging the wings down the moment it spreads open. And like needles, the rain sting the bleeding wound repeatedly, until it is numb from pain, and finally the bird gives up trying to save itself.

What should happen next? Should the rain suddenly cease, and allow the bird the opportunity to hop into the nearest shelter, or...?

sensitivity

2010-09-05T15:39:00.006+10:00

bare, unhidden.

steam

stinging

water

body's heat

joins

water's

bones

muscles

shut eyes feel

texture

the air

water

wall

rich

jazz vocals.

Have a safe flight my precious people :)

PS: mom & dad, we miss you already!

dual dates

2010-09-03T17:25:00.003+10:00

I probably should record this down as Hendhy said.

Well I had Ken ask me to be his girlfriend in 3 different languages until I agreed. That was his September 2, around 11:00pm and my September 3, around 2:00am. ~_~ As always, time difference follows us everywhere!

peace!

second essay, done!

2010-09-03T00:21:00.004+10:00

I was praying to God, I said God, please help me make the right choices. Then I thought about the phrase for a while and decided to change it so I said God, scratch that, please help me make the best choice, since I no longer believe in right and wrong, and the right may not always be the best. Some time later I pondered about it and I decided to change once more. I said God, I don't think the choice matters anymore, and how can we know what's the best choice; I guess it really depends on how you live with the choices you made that makes it best or worst, good or bad. In the end I simply settled with God, whatever road you've set, simply guide me and keep me strong for what's in store out there.

No, I'm not a religious person or anything, but I do pray every night. I never used to, but I think I started since I studied abroad. The few minutes I spend before going to sleep is just used as minutes of gratitude, saying thanks for the things I have. I don't know enough about the definition of being 'religious', to deny my own position, but then again I don't think it hardly matters.

Break!

2010-08-27T15:22:00.003+10:00

Hey guys! It's been a while. Everything has been quite dramatic lately, especially last night @_@.. I was too tired to go to the last class of the week, so I skipped it :p But yay it's holiday now!!!

Then again, you can't really count it as a holiday because there's quite a lot due after the break... I better start making a holiday time management plan... My parents are arriving at Melbourne tonight! In a few hours actually. Yay :D Welcome to Melbourne mom n dad! I can't wait to see the things they got me... feels like Christmas! fufufu...

Unfortunately, the weather has been quite dreadful I think. The wind is just... overkill. Listy and I come home everyday just drained from walking against the wind. In fact, I think I'm coming up with a cold... T.T

Hmm... this is really rare, but I can't think of anything to say! How bout simply, enjoy your holiday guys~ :D

Manifest 2010

2010-08-23T11:10:00.006+10:00

Went to Manifest 2010 on Sunday! It was at Melbourne Showgrounds. Juen and I woke up very early to catch the tram there. But we missed it... and ended up catching a cab because we didn't want to be stuck in a long queue, and also, I fell down while running and injured my knee @_@ So if you see photos of me with a big hole on my stocking, and blood...well, that's what happened. And it's been hurting me since yesterday. I'm still in pain until now... *limps everywhere*

Also, that was my first time being in cosplay to an event. No, not even - it was my first time to an anime event. If you notice, my costume is different from the one in the photoshoot. Well, that wasn't my dress, it was Listy's, and apparently I have fattened up in a few months so I couldn't fit in it anymore. Sobsob! So I did a last minute improvisation. It was a black dress, so I guess it didn't really matter.

Blogger is really annoying in how it's really difficult to rearrange the photos once uploaded, so everything is in one big chronological mess. Sorry!

This is the chocolate mud cake we had at the maid cafe. I must say it wasn't very good... and they served instant soup too. The place wasn't nice either. The maid cafe was rather disappointing :(

The awesome and friendly guys cosplaying Trinity Blood! They were very friendly. Juen looks so small in between them!

These are the guys cosplaying crisis core. Well they weren't very keen on the photo..

These are awesome! I love their group pose. One of the little ones came over when I was asking them if I could take a photo with them, and her falsies were coming off. So I told her I brought eyelash glue and in the end, I helped her fix her falsies... lol.

Then the complete group came over and did a group pose. I wanted my photo!! The tall green-haired girl in red told me to go to the middle of them, but there were so many people taking photos of the group that I felt bad for being the little bug from another series. lol. So I stood at the side, got a pic, then hopped away.

I told myself that I simply had to take pictures with other vocaloid cosplayers. So I hopped in with these guys. I look very short... and they're all asians. I didn't realise I was so... stumpy.

This Miku here... we asked for each other's photo at the same time. It was chemistry. Too bad she wasn't in magnet. Actually, I didn't see any magnet vocaloids except me. And I thought there would be a lot!

There was this long stretch of wall where many cosplayers were having mini-shoots. I tried my hand in that.

And look here's Domo-kun! He waved at me slowly once... and I waved back. Kawaiii...!! *glomps*

Don't question why I was holding his tummy so oddly. He wasn't easy to hug properly...

Saber from Fate/Stay Night

Digimon! Oh man I loved them!

The guys from Vocaloid Imitation Black

Awesome-looking Belle! Felt like Disneyland for a moment there..

And this is my absolute favourite!!! The first time I saw her, she was watching the Gundam Workshop if I'm not mistaken. So I didn't want to disturb. The second time, she was watching Anime Idol. Again, I'd feel bad to ask for a photo then. But finally! I spotted her! Very happy~

Very cool Bleach guys!

Kaname from Vampire Knight! He was one of the Anime Idol contestants.

I didn't know where this cutie is from, but Sherly told me it's from Starry Sky. If I had played that game I guess I would've used the chance to fangirl like mad. But unfortunately I didn't :p

Here's a cute charmander!

And pikachu!

Sorry I strangled you... I didn't notice. You were too cute.

I didn't notice these guys were from Umineko No Naku Koro Ni until I went home and took a closer look.

Kame hame haaa!

Yay got a picture with Vanille! I just love her costume...

And a picture with Yuna! I really should've asked her if we could switch costumes for a while...zzz

Here are the girls from Maid Cafe

These guys were one of my favourites too! Catch you catch you catch me catch me~

Hugging robot! The people were friendly at Manifest... they all love to hug

Kingdom Heart's neoshadow!

Cute Ouran High School boys ~

I love these girls. They were very nice. Hahhaha

Stepping out of Manifest took me out of the fantasy world where almost everyone were in costume, back to... Melbourne. Winter coats, hoodies, jeans, etc. awww

Yeah! So that wraps up my Manifest 2010 experience. To everyone who plans to go, go in cosplay! It's so much more fun~

Serah Farron Necklace Tutorial

2010-08-21T13:30:00.011+10:00

Hooray I've completed Serah Farron's necklace :D Above is the official photo of the necklace. Below are pictures I've found from DeviantArt, other cosplayers' DIY necklaces. The images copyright respective owners:

reference A

windofthestars

reference B

kitsunesqueak

So having all that as reference, I started with mine.

Materials used:

DAS Modelling Clay
Wire
Strong scissors
Gouache
Necklace chain

I bought DAS modelling clay because it can harden when left to air-dry so there was no need to oven bake it. It's much more convenient that way for me.

First, pull a chunk off and roll it up into a ball, approximately this size.

Then gently shape it into the foundation shape of the necklace, which is round at the top and tapering downwards, getting thinner. If you look at the reference photos, the tail is separate from the head (ref B), or it's attached separately (ref A). But I find that it complicates things and by attaching it separately as in A, and it is susceptible to falling off many times :(

or, it might just be my inadequacy as a sculptor. Heehee.

So! My own solution was simply to just mould it as one structure.

This must be my favourite part of making the necklace. As you can see, there is a blue (or... silver-blue?) gemstone set within the head. So let's make the concave structure!

Simply place your thumb

and press! (gently)

Voila! We now have completed the necklace foundation.

To make the swirly thing around the necklace, take a small piece of clay and roll it into this thin shape.

Proceed to wrap the tail with this, and press it to the body gently. But make sure it sticks well (I found it really annoying to do personally).

Yes I'm aware that the swirling thing is flat and not round, so let's get to that stage! Using your thumb and index finger,

pinch gently~

Repeat that for the whole swirly thing and now we have completed the whole shape of the necklace.

Next get your wires ready. I don't recommend using wires that are as thick as mine. Obviously, I only used what I had. lol. But remember not to get one that's too thin either.

Using your scissors, cut a decent length off the wire. Then poke one end of it down the crown of the pendant and out through the upper-back. And just make a little loop to make sure it's closed tight. Mine's ugly so do it your way.

I'm not much of a crafter so I didn't know what to use to paint clay. But anyway, I bought a small tube of silver gouache. It seemed to work, though sometimes I see a bit of glitter on my fingers after touching the pendant. Just a bit though, so if you're as clueless as I am, and you're not too much of a perfectionist, gouache is the answer, guys!

Oh and I also didn't know whether you were supposed to mix gouache with water. But I did anyway, just a bit of water though.

For the blue gem, I passed by a beads shop and found a round, blue thing. Perfect! It was 50% off too. I put a generous amount of wood glue inside the bowl-like structure, put the gem in, and left it to dry.

Wood glue, in my opinion, was the best $3.50 I've spent. It works on everything and it's very durable. I can't imagine my life without wood glue. If you craft things, invest on it now.

For the chain of the necklace, I bought a weird necklace for $1. The shop was closing down so I made a grab at it. You can buy your own chain, but personally I think it's easier to buy a necklace since everything is already attached.

I destroyed the ring that attached the pendant to the chain with my mighty scissors. You probably should use pliers but I didn't have one so I used what I had. :3

I gave the chain a bit of silver paint since it was quite dirty. It was $1 after all. Then I put the chain through the wire loop on the pendant, and I'm done!!!

That was really fast and quite easy to make!

Oh and yes I am aware that I didn't make an engagement ring, but I was too lazy and the clay kept breaking so I thought... forget it. Yes, I'm not a perfectionist. Hope this tutorial was useful for Serah-to-be's. Looking forward to my photoshoot late September!

Ciao!

green everywhere

2010-08-19T21:54:00.003+10:00

Just a random post. So I was cleaning up my room just now and deciding whether to throw this piece of flyer from Lancome:

I decided to throw it, so I tore it up in four pieces and attached the mouth and eyes to different owners.

Random... I think the woman on the left looks prettier like that, but the one on the right is... well, not as attractive.

And I finished printing and trimming my stationery sets today!

That's the back of the letterhead, front of letterhead, back of business card, front of complimentary slip, and the envelope. This is the first set. I don't particularly like the second set so I'm not posting it. This is still in development stage, so everything's still quite...yeah. Will be further refined for the final submission which is after the holiday! Oh and that's all for 'Earthsmart Printing' company identity.

Nothing much happened today, except the first class was utterly useless and a waste of time, and the lecture, which was by far the most interesting one this semester, was terminated halfway because of the fire drill... and I forgot to buy silver paint for Serah's necklace :(