my [dad]

I'm sitting here all alone feeling dull, listening to happy songs, hoping it would lift up my mood. And I'm telling you, it works. But not a hundred percent. Geez, I really don't get it. Why is my dad so persistent? Why does he HATE me all of a sudden. Does loving my brother and sucking up to him a lot mean he has to HATE me??


Shit.


Yeah sure, go have your drink of wine with just "the three of us" till late at night, yea sure, leave me alone, keep me out of your birthday celebration. If that's you want it to be.


I know you think I couldn't hear you guys laughing together, having fun without me. Cuz' the moment I step into the room you fall silent.And I know you think I didn't hear you tell brother that you think he's perfect, all he needs is more responsibility and dilligence. I know to you, I'm just smart trash who talks back to your words. Well I'm SORRY I'm born to be so much like you! I'm SORRY I hold my ego so high and I refuse to surrender. Yea Dad, I'm so extremely SORRY I didn't grow up to be like my brother.


Ya know, you used to be my hero. I even wrote it down on my classwork. I said Daddy was my hero. I can't believe you just threw me out like that. I don't even know what the f*** I did wrong. Am I supposed to read your mind? Fine, so I am a bit emotionally uncontrollable. So I lived 4 years in depression. So I know you wanted to send me to an orphanage.


Does those memories still haunt you? Coz' it's still tearing me apart. Do you still hate me for that? I thought we were over and done about it.


I can't believe you. I can't believe you. I can't believe you.


What the fuck happened.


What the shit happened to you.


Does it make you happy to ignore whatever I say to you? Does it make you uncomfortable whenever I try to talk to you?

And when I said I wasn't like my brother, I can't believe you said such a thing. I can't believe you said you pity me. WHAT THE FUCKING HELL DO YOU MEAN?!?!?!

And if after that, I go angry, you WANNA FUCKING BLAME ME AGAIN??? WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK MADE ME SO ANGRY???!?!