Our home is great huh?
Sunday, January 30, 2011
In my two-storey home in Jakarta, everything was prepared for me - food, drinks. The house was cleaned daily by my maid. My bed was always made. Often my father would make a comment on how pampered I get when I reach Jakarta. He said, our home is great huh? Better than your apartment in Melbourne eh? Always I smile, not really giving an answer. The truth is, I haven't found something in this home that makes it feel like it is a part of me.
But guess what... I just found it!
So I felt sick sitting on my desk all day staring at the laptop screen. I needed to get away, I need to shed the weight of 5000 pounds off my shoulder, and my head was of course, in a mess. I barely got enough sleep last night and was mentally strained. So I needed a getaway.
I decided to sit on my window sill, which is something I've never done before. Well outside the window is a balcony so it isn't dangerous or anything. Immediately I was welcomed by a warm Jakarta breeze. And the tall trees beside me trembled and their leaves swiped against one another producing this soothing sound, kind of like the effect the ocean sound has.
Then I gaze at the plants within my home (trust me there are a whole lot). I imagine my mom who drove far out to buy these plants and flowers, and placed them in the house because she loves the house, and she wants to make it beautiful. I also think about my dad who was constantly telling me to check out the bougainville bushes, enthusiastically describing to me how the flowers have bloomed and are in large round bunches, pink and lush. I hear the sound of wood clonking and it's from the wooden wind chime we bought during our trip to Bali. We bought it because I thought the old man who sold it was adorable. These things bring the memories back to me, and it is comforting to sit there surrounded by my family's subtle touches in every corner.
So now I understand why this is home. I also love my little apartment in Melbourne because it is me. I bought the furnitures, I chose the colours of everything, and had a lot of fun with my housemate. So I love both homes equally much. My Jakarta home was a bit harder to figure out because I was young when I moved in and there are lots of my parent's things so I took things for granted. But now I love it and I know why!
But guess what... I just found it!
So I felt sick sitting on my desk all day staring at the laptop screen. I needed to get away, I need to shed the weight of 5000 pounds off my shoulder, and my head was of course, in a mess. I barely got enough sleep last night and was mentally strained. So I needed a getaway.
I decided to sit on my window sill, which is something I've never done before. Well outside the window is a balcony so it isn't dangerous or anything. Immediately I was welcomed by a warm Jakarta breeze. And the tall trees beside me trembled and their leaves swiped against one another producing this soothing sound, kind of like the effect the ocean sound has.
Then I gaze at the plants within my home (trust me there are a whole lot). I imagine my mom who drove far out to buy these plants and flowers, and placed them in the house because she loves the house, and she wants to make it beautiful. I also think about my dad who was constantly telling me to check out the bougainville bushes, enthusiastically describing to me how the flowers have bloomed and are in large round bunches, pink and lush. I hear the sound of wood clonking and it's from the wooden wind chime we bought during our trip to Bali. We bought it because I thought the old man who sold it was adorable. These things bring the memories back to me, and it is comforting to sit there surrounded by my family's subtle touches in every corner.
So now I understand why this is home. I also love my little apartment in Melbourne because it is me. I bought the furnitures, I chose the colours of everything, and had a lot of fun with my housemate. So I love both homes equally much. My Jakarta home was a bit harder to figure out because I was young when I moved in and there are lots of my parent's things so I took things for granted. But now I love it and I know why!
rasutonaito
Friday, January 28, 2011
Hi guys welcome back
So I spent the entire day in a mental bind, reading a whole ton of Statement of Purpose sample papers and tips on writing them... I didn't have to write any when I applied into RMIT so this is new for me. And let's just say it's not a piece of cake... To be frank my life isn't so grand, but I'm glad I still have some highlights and ambition in there so I could avoid from writing "basically I spent 18 years of my life watching tv". Which... would lead to an obvious outcome.
I'm sure I wouldn't be able to finish writing the SoP by today (or even start writing it) because as usual I take a long time researching and brainstorming prior to starting something. (And I have a new RPG game in my hands at the moment)
Mom and I have been doing tons of baking the past few days and yesterday we baked surprisingly delicious Bakpao's... they smelled heavenly! That is a picture of them after shaping the dough into little balls. The meat was not inserted yet at that stage.
I will keep you updated when I finally complete my SoP! And I will e-mail it to my high school English teacher and perhaps ask for some input... :p
Labels: graduate, master's degree, statement of purpose
we'll be as close as the pages in a book
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
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| Copied from this original image |
Hello darling readers!
I was in an artsy mood today and so decided to sharpen my long-blunt digital painting skills. Starting the paintings were hardest because I'm afraid I can't finish it, as I have dropped many paintings halfway because they were too difficult to execute.
I wonder when I started becoming like this, doubting my abilities all the time. I used to be quite a confident person... Maybe the world just changed too quickly for me, suddenly it's 'work', not 'projects'. Now you're getting paid, not graded.
When I was much younger, maybe 7-8 years old, I was always too afraid to order my own food. I lived in Singapore then, so it was common for kids to order their own food at food courts (and school canteens). I always asked my brother to order it for me, because I was scared of the furious-looking, always-yelling, 'food-court-aunties'. They spoke so fast, I often felt like I was making them impatient. And their hands moved so quickly, I was always self-conscious about the sloppy way in which I took out my money and counted them (slowly).
Though I've improved a lot down the years, I still have slight problems with 'the sloppy way in which I took out my money and counted them (slowly)'... That's why I confess that I have a small fear of people who work/move/talk too damn fast. My brain is too slow maybe? I always need some quiet time to think about most things. To compare them and me, they are like computers/robots, and I am... an abacus. Or fingers.
I am too comfortable being in my own world. And as I get older year by year, the real world seems to barge into the unsuspicious open windows in my 'comfort' world. Sad :( so this is how peter pan feels like, not wanting to grow up!
Labels: digital painting
when you're smiling the whole world smiles with you
Saturday, January 22, 2011
sometimes i find it hard to smile or laugh
often i take for granted what's in my life
on occasions i just don't want to talk, or hear anyone speak
several times i don't know how i should act
it's like a mug of hot chocolate that has gone cold
and you're sitting too deep in the couch to get up and heat it again
but the chocolate is still there
to be honest
i'm jealous of people who are like sunshine
you know, the ones who just light up the room
who seem bright, cheerful and pleasant
who can laugh loudly at most everything
i can't even laugh at jokes sometimes, when i don't feel it's funny to me
so i'm often in that situation where you're the only one not laughing,
or just having a polite smile plastered on your face
and i can't force it either,
if there is one thing i can't do, it's lying
if you're not funny to me, i can't laugh
and then some people has seen me as stuck-up or high and mighty and whatever
so i simply don't bother with those people
most likely i don't like them anyway
and that's why i am so far from sunshine
because sunshine will shine upon everyone
it would be nice to be like sunshine
unfortunately... it's just not who i am
i have no confidence in this!
Friday, January 21, 2011
After seeing xiaxue's blog and realising how my own blog hasn't had any 'self-portrait's (too sophisticated a word as substitute for cam-whoring :p), I decided to upload some. Since it's all been large blocks of texts lately...
So I dyed my hair blonde! :D I've now seen myself in black, dark brown, medium brown, light brown, striking red, dark red, pink, bright blue, and now blonde. I want to see myself in ...
- red hair, but long and straight
- caramel brown with bouncing curls ^-^
- dark purple, long straight
- pink, short bob
- rich golden brown, long with gentle waves
I just love hair varieties :P Same old same old is waaaay too boring for me. If you haven't changed your hairstyle in 5 years, I suggest you go to the salon and give it a different colour. It's real refreshing~ ^-^
So today I finally did one of the things on my to-do list, which is to organise the requirements for each individual master's program in the schools I'm looking at. Reading Yale University's requirements is the most stressful thing... they sound so strict and it's like they expect very high quality portfolio from a person who has work experience for many years. It scares me @_@ I never felt this way applying for my bachelor's degree... Well, it is Yale.
Cranbrook Academy of Art seems like a delightfully interesting school. But I'm not the most proactive design student out there so I kind of doubt the learning system will suit me... yet a small part of me is very curious and wants to stray myself in an unfamiliar environment.
I'm scared about master's degree. If I get in, I'm afraid of the experienced adults and their superb skills and mine which pales in comparison. But at least the better they are, the better I will be out of the school, right? Wish me luck guys :)
PS: just checked my blog traffic after a long time, and realised that people are still reading my blog! wow! even though I know my blogging frequency has reduced by a whole lot. so I will try to get in the habit again, and blog whatever interesting material floating in my mind :p thanks for visiting~
Oh, plan to use this wig for Tsumugi from K-ON in her nurse costume:
Labels: blogger, cosplay, cranbrook academy of art, dyed hair, female, K-ON, master's degree, nurse, portfolio, tsumugi, Xiaxue, yale university
you say all that so i write all this
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Adults always used to tell us: you are too young to date, you're not old enough to understand how to love another person. Most teens around me started dating at around 15 or 16. At 18 I had my first boyfriend. Sometimes I feel that being in a long distance relationship has its good side. You know, you talk to the person more, and you think more and try to understand things. Like my design lecturer once said, after you have worked with a design for some time, step back and look at it from a distance (not literally) and you will have a clear head to judge it.
I was in several situations before where I was close to a guy and the goal was to go out with him. I'm glad my boyfriend and I were friends for 2 years before we started dating. I know it would be different otherwise.
I will be very honest in this blog post. Sometimes people judge me as someone with the mind of a 20 year old (well... these days 20 year olds aren't as mature as I used to think really) but personally I think I am still a little girl, a teenager of maybe 16 years. There are many things that excite me in life, and so much that I don't understand. It's like I'm running around, bouncing through the walls trying to figure out the way things work and where I am supposed to be. And sometimes, the difficult part is figuring out what is wrong and what is right. You know, sometimes you lose something and you won't get it back, sometimes there is only one chance to do something right. And I don't know, what is right, and most importantly, is there a right?
So my point is, I'm happy I'm dating him right now. He is my age and we are both pretty damn clueless. It's like I'm a 6 year old girl exploring the woods with a 6 year old boy. So it doesn't matter to me, if adults think we are too young to date or anything. And I don't care about the people who wonder how you even call it dating when we are millions of miles apart. Well because to me, most importantly, he is my good friend who knows a lot about me. And he is my partner in this adventure to growing up.
So... this post might seem a bit more personal and perhaps mushy but it's what I really think and I bet it sounds childish. teehee. Anyway, MY KIND AND GENTLE BOYFRIEND IS THE BEST!!!!!!
I bet he will get embarrassed seeing that posted on a public blog (and maybe make me delete it). hehhehehe. Nevermind, I like teasing him sometimes. hehehhehehehehehhehe.
I was in several situations before where I was close to a guy and the goal was to go out with him. I'm glad my boyfriend and I were friends for 2 years before we started dating. I know it would be different otherwise.
I will be very honest in this blog post. Sometimes people judge me as someone with the mind of a 20 year old (well... these days 20 year olds aren't as mature as I used to think really) but personally I think I am still a little girl, a teenager of maybe 16 years. There are many things that excite me in life, and so much that I don't understand. It's like I'm running around, bouncing through the walls trying to figure out the way things work and where I am supposed to be. And sometimes, the difficult part is figuring out what is wrong and what is right. You know, sometimes you lose something and you won't get it back, sometimes there is only one chance to do something right. And I don't know, what is right, and most importantly, is there a right?
So my point is, I'm happy I'm dating him right now. He is my age and we are both pretty damn clueless. It's like I'm a 6 year old girl exploring the woods with a 6 year old boy. So it doesn't matter to me, if adults think we are too young to date or anything. And I don't care about the people who wonder how you even call it dating when we are millions of miles apart. Well because to me, most importantly, he is my good friend who knows a lot about me. And he is my partner in this adventure to growing up.
So... this post might seem a bit more personal and perhaps mushy but it's what I really think and I bet it sounds childish. teehee. Anyway, MY KIND AND GENTLE BOYFRIEND IS THE BEST!!!!!!
I bet he will get embarrassed seeing that posted on a public blog (and maybe make me delete it). hehhehehe. Nevermind, I like teasing him sometimes. hehehhehehehehehhehe.
The Mother Figure
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Ever since I could recall, Mom was always there tending to me and my brother's needs. She cooked our meals, kept the house spick and span, and she disciplined us. She was what she was in my eyes, a 'mother' as I understand it.
But recently I realised how Mom offered ice cream when she noticed my face was fresh from crying. Two days ago she comforted me when I cried (again). Yesterday, Mom, bro, and I sat in the living room sofa, watching TV, reading, playing with the dogs. It was weird, it felt like we were friends hanging out. And then she stood up and brought me a soft blanket, then sat back down and moved her knee in a cute manner in attempt to tease our younger dog Polo. I watched her and in my eyes she seemed young, she seemed my age. In that moment I felt no barrier and yet respect. She was like a friend and still she nurtures us. She is human and she has done her best to make this family work. She balances and harmonises. I was a bit moved when I understood this, so I stood up and kissed her temple.
But recently I realised how Mom offered ice cream when she noticed my face was fresh from crying. Two days ago she comforted me when I cried (again). Yesterday, Mom, bro, and I sat in the living room sofa, watching TV, reading, playing with the dogs. It was weird, it felt like we were friends hanging out. And then she stood up and brought me a soft blanket, then sat back down and moved her knee in a cute manner in attempt to tease our younger dog Polo. I watched her and in my eyes she seemed young, she seemed my age. In that moment I felt no barrier and yet respect. She was like a friend and still she nurtures us. She is human and she has done her best to make this family work. She balances and harmonises. I was a bit moved when I understood this, so I stood up and kissed her temple.
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juice-22 EST.2006
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