Lesson

Friday, May 25, 2007

My Mom used to tell me "Even if you are angry, that is no reason to lash it out on other people." or, when I come home mad, "Look at your father! He always has problems in the office but he always comes home with a smile!"

I always let her lectures pass. However today, those two lectures had come to life.

I had my physics final exam today in the schorching heat, my skin burnt and sweating. Having the initial "V", I sat at the furthest end, beside the window. The aircon wasn't working so the windows were wide open.

As I did the paper, I felt fear. And intense panic. The cars were honking busily; I heard motorcyles racing down the streets, and an ambulance on its emergency run. Finally, I lifted up my hand and poked Ratna, who sat in front of me. I motioned her to close the windows. So she did. And a sudden rush of silence sent a pleasing sensation into my head.

...

I reached home, trudging as I walked. My left leg throbbing with pain, my head screaming, my neck sweating. I was so angry. It wasn't just the heat either. I rang the doorbell, leaning against the wall. My mom opened it, and knew instantly from my expression the exam did not go well. She asked more questions. I ignored her. I snapped. I flew onto my bed, and was suddenly in silent tears. My mum put on the shades, a warm yellow hue embracing the walls of my room. And she left.

I continued my tears, and my brother entered. He talked about his bass, and I turned around. "Leave me alone," I spoke, the words muffled in my pillow. "Okay," he replied, surprisingly, without shock, disturb or even a pause.

My cell phone vibrated. A tone rang. I looked at the screen. It was her. Apologies were said, and I instantly felt better. Honesty was, after all, the solution to most problems. And I told her why I was crying.

And I suddenly came to a realisation. This morning, I snapped at my mom because I was panicking. I ignored my dad when he greeted me. I told my mom I don't like dumplings for breakfast, and only ate one. When she told me I should not panic so much, I told her, in a loud voice, that I cannot not be panicking, because I have not finish studying. When I reach home, I was cruel to my mom. I told my brother to leave me alone. And I realised... that in a day alone, I had sinned so much. I hurt people because of my selfish reasons. When all they tried to do was cheer me up, or advise me.

With this, I hushed my sobs and wiped my tears. I came out of my room, and embraced my mom. Understanding she is, she pet my back and told me gently, "I know it was hard, but you have to be strong, okay?" My tears surged up again, and I turned away, relieved.