ゆっくり

The day after tomorrow, the month turns into September.

From the seemingly endless well of time that I was in, this single flip of the calendar abruptly pulls me to the surface of reality.

Time never stops, nor ever turn back. I realise this now, and feel sorry for myself for spending so many days sitting idly. I'm turning 20 soon... It occurs to me that youth is really precious. All of a sudden, I won't be so free anymore. Gradually, the responsibilities of an adult seeps into my consciousness. The things that I want to do in life, the things I wish I did, they become harder to attain because I will have more and more responsibilities from this point on. I wish I did them when I was younger. Even if I did a few months ago it would have made the difference. But instead I took time for granted... and now have some regrets in me.

I would really like to do something amazing in my life. It's kind of sad to think that my life is just going to be another passing soul. If I did something, if I were something, perhaps someone could have a good lasting memory of me.

Two days ago, I went to the hospital and bought medicine on my own. This is kind of embarrassing to admit, but I've never done that before. I've gone to hospitals, clinic, and pharmacies on my own in Melbourne, but never in Jakarta. It was really just running an errand. I looked for the bathroom while the pharmacist took 30mins to make my medicine.

Since it's the Lebaran holidays, the house maid went back to her village. I wash Gucci and Polo's food bowls every day (on the days when I'm at home during the noon). One the first couple of days, I was confused which sponge to use (the bowls are washed with the garden hose outside, not in the kitchen sink). Beside the garden hose, there were two sponges. Both seemed dirty. When I scrubbed the bowls with a scrunchy metal one, the water turned gray and black particles smeared on the bowl. Is this really the sponge my maid used every day for the past few years to wash my pets' bowls? The bottle of "dishwasher" was so diluted it was nothing much more than water.

When I asked my mother, she said the driver could have used the sponge to clean the car. The black stuff on the sponge was grease...?? I was shocked that my pets even consumed out of a bowl so unhygienic and toxic. And even more ashamed of myself that I never knew about this, out of my own ignorance.

Now, Gucci and Polo have a proper clean sponge and a bottle of dishwasher.

Perhaps this tiny discovery has made a slight difference in Gucci and Polo's lives.

Actually, this world has a lot to offer. If only we take the opportunities. And then... what can I do for someone? How can my life be worth something? If you really think about these questions, it might reveal a lot of past regrets. If it doesn't, you must have led a really fulfilling life.