How would I know that what I liked would put such a strain on me? I look at my classmates' work, and I could only stare in awe. How can they create such amazing things? I look back at my own work - one that I thought seemed fine to me when I made it. It now looks like trash.

I tried asking the teacher. How can I improve this? I wanted to know the standard of work that she expects. I want to know which of my designs she liked most. But she wouldn't say. Or she couldn't. Because in design, I learnt today, there is no right and wrong. Asking so many people for opinions and preference in my work, each and every one of them would say different things. I don't know who to believe, and I can't seem to trust myself.

People see things that I don't see, see flaws that I never noticed. But no matter how I fixed it, it just isn't enough. There's always something wrong with it. It's just never good enough.

How can I trust myself to believe in my own decision? What can I do to create a design that would inspire others? How can I continue in this course if my load of effort creates only that little result?

I don't see things, I'm blinded. By all the rough things whirling around me trying to get me down. This is not Maths. This is not Science. There is no certain answer to the questions you ask, and there is no one but yourself to obtain the answer. This is Design. Don't kill me please.

everything's wrong;

a phone in one hand and

leaning to the wall that

separated her from everything else.

Thinking dark thoughts wishing for

a cigarette in her grasp, staring at

the man across the bridge who

stared back at her.

And so she ran along,

a child amidst men in tailored suits.

She never did feel a sense of belonging since

and depending on somebody else is bullshit.

Stepping out of the charming lobby

out to the open streets with

Cars and smudges of street-lights upon

the sky painted black.

She settled on one end of a concrete bench

a little fat boy sitting on the other

Together like that, they looked lost until

his family came and
that temporary peace was snatched away again.